You are tearing up the boards again today, thank God.
I'm on the boards everyday keeping up with the changes and frustrations that we are all going or have gone through. The words of advice and wisdom from many of you caring people out here really have helped me through some really rough days and nights. I can't thank all of you enough for your strength and insights. Your friendships have lit the path of hope for me on many a dark day. My sincere are profound thanks to each one of you.
Anyway, H is stuck in deep denial of situation. When we communicate he does not want to talk other than mundane life business stuff. Very tough on me, but nothing new. I'm not angry with him, more dissappointed that even thought he claims he values our relationship he is so scared and closed he cannot act. Might be the shock that I actually left and told him that I would not come home until there were substantial changes made. When I left he helped me carry my things to my car. I lost it completely. He actually cried a bit, too which I thought was pretty major for him. Right now it is a relief not to see him everyday, not crying myself so sleep at night wanting his touch. I would rather be alone than suffer more rejection from him. We will see what will happen since this is still really a new change in the dynamics. I'm doing okay, but then I have the support of friends and family. He has chosen to be alone for now.
H is supposed to be trying to get back into counseling, has mentioned it often thinking that the counseling will be the magic solution to this problem. His denial is so deep I wonder what else is going on with him, but I have to take care of myself first. I needed to take a break and get myself whole before I make some decisions, too. I'll update you all once in awhile.
