Looking back now I can see very clearly that this was enabling. Would I do it again? Probably. I wasn't (or didn't think I was) the strong person that I have found myself to be. I would bet that you would say much the same though fib. We somehow are of the mindset that if only we change, WE can fix them and make this all go away. How can you fix someone by changing when this was never really about us? We have to face the fact that although we may not have been the perfect at times (who is?),there is so much more going on here than we can possibly deal with. When push comes to shove or we finally have to come to grips with what we're dealing with, somehow we find a strength to do what we need to protect ourselves and our children. It doesn't mean we don't care about our spouses but there comes a time when we have got to love ourselves more AND to save ourselves.
fib the way I see it is that you are dealing with a very destructive and toxic personality. You've tried and tried and you are an honorable man. There is no one here that would dispute that. What you do know for sure is that you tried everything in the hopes of saving your marriage. Hopefully that in itself will bring you the peace we all long for at the end of this road.
