Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Gotta say, you're still the same Jimbo! I had a good chuckle at the end of your message ... always analyzing ... that's my boy!
So sorry to hear you're still grieving, m'friend. If it weren't for our DA spouses, we wouldn't have to feel these horrible emotions. I kind-of seem to remember (maybe I'm wrong) that you don't have much faith in God, so it doesn't become me to say that you might try to ask for direction. I only say that because that's what I've been doing these past few days. And, I'm still praying.
Overall, it was a good, positive encounter. It was very disturbing to me that my W could seem so NORMAL though. I didn't see any strange MLC behavior. She actually took an interest in what I had to say and what I was doing in my life, which is really weird. We actually had a CONVERSATION! An actual mutual interchange of ideas and opinions! Amazing! About the only thing I DID notice was that there were some gaps in her memory of things I thought the average person would remember if put in the same sitches that she was describing. But I know from talking to folks and reading the boards that MLCers have "flashes of sanity". Maybe I just caught her on a good night.
Originally Posted By: poet
Gotta say, you're still the same Jimbo! I had a good chuckle at the end of your message ... always analyzing ... that's my boy!
So sorry to hear you're still grieving, m'friend. If it weren't for our DA spouses, we wouldn't have to feel these horrible emotions. I kind-of seem to remember (maybe I'm wrong) that you don't have much faith in God, so it doesn't become me to say that you might try to ask for direction. I only say that because that's what I've been doing these past few days. And, I'm still praying.
peace, poet
Not sure where along the way I could have given the impression that I don't have much faith in God. On the contrary. I wholeheartedly believe that I am being guided to grow into a better, more fulfilling life. I also believe my W is, as well. Where my faith is shaken is whether our respective better lives will include each other or not. And part of my journey of faith is to recognize that I must let go and leave that part to God. My grieving comes not from what my W was/is doing to me/us, but from the prospect that I may be being told by Universe that I have outgrown my best friend; that I have learned all the lessons that she has to offer me- and that I must move on.
If we are meant to be, then we will be together again. If we have outgrown each other, then we will go our separate ways.
It is what it is.
Originally Posted By: beginnersmind
Hey Jim, I think your MLC translator was probably correct. But who the hell knows!
Could be, B.....but who the hell knows!
I did finally email her a response back yesterday to her "I'm a loser" email. Was she sending me a meta message? Was she looking for some validation? I don't know, but if she wants to play little "doublespeak" games with me, I'm always up for the challenge. This was my response back:
"sorry, I'm still a loser"
Really???....Not in my book. ;-)
Keep trying. Never give up.
I just know you'll get it one day.
Always, -Jim
I don't know if she'll ever win her contest, but I'm sure that one day, she'll wake up and "get it".
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
Ok, not much to report in the past month or so, other then that L contacted me to tell me that D hearing is scheduled for the 29th of this month. Had a spate of emails with STBX about the usual D related stuff- Here's a bill, remember to take my name off this, I'll take your name off that, etc.
I didn't believe it was possible for her to lie to me anymore about anything, now that she's out of the house and, effectively, out of my life, but she's found a way to do it.
When we last met up, I remember thinking that it struck me really odd for some reason that, fairly early in our outing and without any prompting from me, she handed over to me all of the keys of ours she had- house, my car, mailbox, etc. (As a sidebar: she didn't think to ask for my keys in return. MLC forgetfulness?)
To set the scene: flashback to 2006, Colonial Williamsburg. We had bought plastic souvenir tankards on our visit. Ever since then, they sat together on the top of the kitchen cabinets. Even after she moved out, they sat up there...forgotten. Every once in a while I would look up at them sitting there and think back to that time- a happy memory for me.
Well, I damn well know that I've looked up at those tankards more than once in the past month and always seen two. Last night I glanced up there and saw ONE!
I couldn't believe my eyes! For a while, I actually second guessed myself as to when I had looked up there last. But no. I KNOW that I saw TWO there AFTER she gave me all the keys.
Out of curiosity, I then examined the house key on the ring of keys she gave me. I saw the telltale signs of the tiny grooves on the peaks and valleys of the key that are left by a key cutting machine on a newly cut key. After a while, those grooves disappear from use, so this key hadn't been used all that long, if at all.
She still has a house key!
I KNOW better than this. I know they lie. I guess I shouldn't have trusted her to just hand over all her keys, but I figured that if she's truly done with me enough to get a D, then why wouldn't she? She wouldn't have a reason to keep them anyway, much less use them.
Emotions are funny. I felt elated that she felt the desire to squirrel away a key, and at the same time I felt violated by her latest misdirection, and subsequent entry into MY house- the house that she KNOWS she is no longer a co-owner of. I had to both laugh and reflect seriously on the gravity of all this at the same time. A very strange feeling, to be sure.
We do have some financial business to finalize still. She hasn't asked me for her half of the money and I haven't offered. Maybe she thinks I'm hiding it away in the house and she wants to make sure she gets her fair share. But we have both signed a legally binding separation agreement- one that has a deadline for me to produce her half, so I can't exactly "hold out" on her.
And if it's just to get more of "her stuff", there are plenty of her books STILL hidden away in far less noticeable nooks and crannies of our shelving, that she could have just taken while she was there without additional risk of me "noticing".
So why was she there anyway?
"Who the hell knows."
Very, very, VERY strange.
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
Emotions are funny. I felt elated that she felt the desire to squirrel away a key, and at the same time I felt violated by her latest misdirection, and subsequent entry into MY house- the house that she KNOWS she is no longer a co-owner of. I had to both laugh and reflect seriously on the gravity of all this at the same time. A very strange feeling, to be sure.
Fairly normal to have these kind of emotions for a short time.
Don't let this throw you.
Observe the insanity, shake your head at it, laugh at it but don't let it roost in your noggin and spin your wheel.
