The DB two step

[saffie]

Doc,

Just face it - your W has lost her passion. It's not just you she doesn't fancy....it's just IMO she doesn't feel fanciable by anyone. Next time she talks about her weight ask her if she wants a gastric band! It's not a hard equation - she needs to burn more calories than she put in her mouth.

I know I feel it hard to empathise with her on that one because I am not overweight....but even so I have bits about myself I don't like - most of us do. Your W just seems to not like herself in any way and she lives her life through your son, which will eventually, (at best), will lead to disappointment as on day he will leave her and find a girl of his own, and at worst she will give him hang ups.

When it comes to OM, to be brutally honest you have not forgiven her for what happened. I get a very strong feeling that sex with your W is almost like a dog marking it's territory again. I am not saying that is unusual- I was like that with my H after OW- I felt that I wanted my mark back on him again. However, OM does still stand between you and your W very much. I have lost count of the times you have said you forgive your W about OM and then it crops up again. The fact that you keep saying it says volumes.

I almost feel that until YOU go and cheat on your W you will never feel you have evened the score and that also that might perhaps jolt your W into jumping one way or the other.

I think she feels smothered by you. She runs to her soaps to escape from reality. Reality has not beeen great to you guys recently with her job losses and then yours, and yet you Doc, are able to be sunny and look on the bright side....which sometimes to a depressed person can seem annoying.

You rescue your W the whole time because you love her and you love her family. You are the classic nice guy, even after all you have read etc. Personally I think it's time to let her fall down and pick herself up. Let her learn just exactly what life would be without your support. You act depressed, you let her pick up after you, you start moaning about your weight, (even if you have no reason to), moan about your leg, moan about job prospects generally.....stop being her rock.

Let's face it, you have tried everything else. She doesn't know how lucky she is to have you and secretly I think you think that to, which is why you haven't let go of this OM thing- and be real honest - you haven't.

I agree it's too early to get steamy with ther. I think she needs to see that you are desirable to other people and that if she doesn't change her tune she will lose you.

Sure she wants to be married....just exactly the way she is....it suits her. So either decide if you can live with a M on these terms or decide what you are going to do to change it.

I know this all comes across as a bit harsh doc, but I have been with you a long time and you know I care, and you are just going round in circles. Your W needs taking out of her comfort zone. Move her in with her mother and you keep Anthony with you.