It is not your biggest issue but dealing with an affair and dealing with a pure WAW seem to require two different approaches.
Excuse the metaphors but you cannot break down the walls. You just can't. All you can do is be the best you that you can be and hope she will peak over the wall. This won't happen fast. Men fix stuff. We want to fix the marriage like you fix a flat tire. Unfortunately it is just not that clear cut in the R business.
I too was a neglectful husband so I can relate a little. Going from neglectful to 100% attentive really throws them, seems pursueing and I think can be perceived as desperate and ingenuine. My wife told me all these things post-bomb. I made too much change, too fast and she didn't buy it. It took like 6 months for her to believe the changes. Then she became sort of an entitlement monster. I "owed" her for the last however many years. Lately things have become more balanced.
I am telling you all of this because I further down the path and it seems to be working (but notice I have been at this for a while). IF there is no other guy, that is great and your task is easier, You want to try to figure out what you were doing wrong and start fixing things one at a time. Just like the books say, this stuff takes time but hopefully each day will be better than the next. You can't push or prod her back into the relationship. Only draw her back in. She will notice but will probably not be affectionate until she is convinced and feeling better. You can only look for small signs that she is seeing things differently. I think the biggest mistake people make is pushing and expecting too much too soon.
You might want to read the "5 Love Languages" and "His Needs, Her Needs"
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
