WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

Apparently she wants to separate, but not really, because she stays in the house. Have you separated your finances? What would happen if you suggested to her to move out? Of course, it depends on whether you are detached enough to stomach this one.

Yes, she is a heavy cake-eater. I recognized this when she moved into the other room. Funny you should ask, but I just asked her to move out last night after getting a little angry about an exchange we had. Also, Yes, we have separated finances - we have separate checking/savings accounts and divide up household expenses.

Last night I accidentally touched her when I was walking around her in our kitchen and she told me "quit brushing up against me when you walk by" in front of my kids. It is a little thing, but it just set me off. Also, she wanted to know exactly what I told my friends on the trip about our M, so I told her. She knows we all talk about our M issues every year so this was no different but she got angry. They already knew some of the story so I just filled in the rest and they wished me the best.

Later, when kids weren't around, I told her she should put in a better effort in front of our kids to show a functional relationship between us. This led to more discussions, where she told me once again the following (these are all repeat statements from the past year):

I am just here for our kids
We are married in name only - you don't have a wife
I can have 'friends' whom I text, etc - it is impossible to have a R with OM if just texting once in a while
We are done and there is nothing to work on
I didn some bad things (EA) and then you did as well (telling people about EA - long story)


I told her that I now realize that she IS done and that I am going to accept that she will not be willing to work on the M ever going forward, so we should sort out how to separate. I told her I didn't ever want a D, but at this point I see no hope for R since both of us need to try eventually and she is clearly not going to do that based upon her actions/statements so I am ready to let go. I told her I don't want to be married to someone who won't sleep in my bed and whom I have to share with other men, at least emotionally.

She made her typical statement of "if you don't like it then YOU leave" and I said that she has been telling me that for months, but that SHE is the one who has been unhappy all along so she should follow her own advice!

It was a contentious discussion at times but I tried to keep my cool. Today I sent her a text asking if she had been looking into rental houses in our area (her cousin is a Realator whom she talkes to often). I may look into this myself today.

I have my IC appointment this morning and need to sort out next step. Her reaction to all this was basically nothing, which is what I expected - she wants to stay in limbo because she is comfortable there but I am becoming less so. I need to keep pushing the point but not in a mean kind of way. She will try to turn it on me or at least try to share the burden by saying we should alternately move out every other week or something like that - she has mentioned this before - but I am firm on her leaving and not me given her statements above, plus she can't afford the house. We both want our kids to stay in the home no matter what for now.

I just can't deal with her any more - it is frustrating and I don't see things ever changing. She said a few weeks ago "the sooner I leave the better" and now I think she is right.

I am prepared for any outcome I think at this point.

I will have some rough times ahead of me, but I realize it is rough either way and I feel like a doormat when I really look at how she treats me and I am tired of her direspecting me by keeping a friendship going with OM and also visiting his buddy the trainer every week where OM decided to show up once.

I have been waiting for a mircale and praying for one, but maybe the help I am getting from God is seeing the situation for what it is and slowly being able to let her go. I feel so bad for our kids and extended families right now.