Hey JR, It sounds like you handled that conversation perfectly - and, I agree, it's best to let go of her harsh comments - sometimes there's a lot of honesty in those comments - not necessarily about what she's saying - but why - sometimes the harsh comments reflect a fear and hesitation, sometimes they reflect a lot of confusion - one never knows - which is why I think it's always best to let the harsh comments be.
Isn't it amazing, though, how quickly a spouse can see when we might be fishing - even just a tiny bit - for something. I think that's part of the reason she was harsh when you mentioned your church involvement. I imagine she felt like you were clinging to her a bit with those words - and so she pushed you away - seems to happen all the time that way...the more one clings, the more one gets pushed away...unless it's a very unhealthy, codependent relationship...
Also...very good to see the positives...that's so very important.
I also think it's admirable that you don't just sense her anger, but also the hurt...it's easy to forget that a lot of hurt underlies some kinds of anger - it takes a good heart to see the hurt through the anger.
