Quote: GraniteRose I see that you give some great advice! Thanks for your support. I have seriously thought about therapy but don't know if it would do me any good to go alone and I know I could never talk him into going with me because it would embarras him to death. He won't even talk to me about it. But then again maybe it would be easier for him to talk to someone else. I will try to bring it up to him.
Kabelle: You might be very surprised. I thought the exact things you write above. I *never* thought I'd live to see the day when I'd be in therapy. And I surely never thought I'd get my H in there with me. I fully intended to go by myself until the day I sat down with H and we talked. I mean, we *really* talked and listened.
I explained that I did not intend on leaving him (something other women in his past had done) because of this problem. I said the sexual part of our marriage was very important to me. When he agreed, we then talked over the possible reasons why it wasn't for him.
H agreed to see medical doctor to eliminate physical problems (he passed with flying colors). When I asked if he'd be then willing to see a C if OK physically, he said "Yes, because I don't want to lose you." I assured him he wasn't going to lose me.
Since this had be weighing on my mind for some time, I was getting depressed and concentrating on my job was getting more difficult. With the help of my company's employee program, we were referred to a C in our area.
Now, here's my H: a 50+ guy who's a former trucker, owns a Harley, looks like he should be in a movie about cowboys with Sam Elliott, etc. sitting in a C's office. I honestly thought *I* would have to do the explaining. Boy was I ever wrong. When C asked what had brought us there, H spoke up first and explained the situation.
The point is: never assume your partner will or will not do anything. I assumed and I was wrong. Sometimes your partner has to know that you've reached the absolute end; that in order for you to retain your peace of mind, some sort of solution needs to be found.
Never assume that therapy isn't for you or you could never bring yourself to opening up to a stranger. These people are trained to ask just the right questions. They are objective listeners. If you find you aren't clicking with your C then you find another one you *do* click with. H&I are lucky to have clicked with the first one.
Hang in there. Coming to these boards is a good step. Reading SSM is another. And never let the lines of communication close up.
