Bugs Bunny:"GET ME OUTTA HERE"

[25yearsmlc]

the only question I now have is....how much longer?? Hours, not days, please...

Oh, actually I have one other tiny question...

WTF????!!!!!!

((( j )))

[faithisbelieving]

25....not sure. On paper it should be done within 4 months but I hope sooner. A basic framework was exchanged already discussing joint custody, 60/40 house in favor of me, percentage of my practice, 'liberal visitation', child support.....

STBXW is still negative on me. Didn't see my son for over 24 hours and when he came home last night, I sat down on the bed to discuss his day and once again, in front of him, STBXW said, "he needs to go to bed by himself..he has to be up early in the morning and he needs to sleep by himself".

???????

Me: He can discuss his day with his father. Other than that I won't discuss this in front of him (response recommended by FC).

I won't get peace until this is over. I post events so others can see how a marriage dissolves. I am resigned to the fact that the anger and hate that my STBXW shows me will never go away. Reminds me of an old Star Trek episode:
The Alternative Factor

FIB

[Kalni]

I dont even treat my H after all he has done the way your stxW treats you FIB.

Some people in my book, are just mean people waiting to show their true colors. And your wife is sure showing hers...

Day by day, getting closer...
K

[K4D]

I am resigned to the fact that the anger and hate that my STBXW shows me will never go away.

It will eventually go away. It just takes time and space.

Take a look at the rejoice ministries website if you haven't yet.

Kevin

[dl443322]

My friend, I cant wait for this to be over for you.

I cannot understand such anger. My h has cheated on me, amassed $70,000 in credit card debt I didnt know about, broke up our family, broke my son's heart and countless other things and I do not have the kind of anger your w shows you.

She is a broken woman, with many issues and I pray that she gets the help she needs so that she doesnt inflict anymore pain on your children.

[faithisbelieving]

I went to the funeral of a man that cut my hair for almost 2 decades. We talked about life.....During the good days of medicine, I once bought him a small statue of a hard hat diver. He dove in the Navy. He was also a longtime friend and employer of my STBXW.

Yesterday, she stole the wake card I had brought home for myself to keep. I had left it on the countertop. One of the low points of her treatment of me.

To K4D...maybe YOUR wife's anger will. Mine...will not.

FIB

[dl443322]

FIB, so sorry for the loss of your friend. And sorry for the thoughtlessness of your wife. She is beyond words, really.

[K4D]

FIB,

The first thing you have to do is find a way to let your anger go. As long as you are angry, nothing will change in your W. You have every right to be angry, don't get me wrong. But what positive comes out of anger? Don't we teach our kids to not be angry and instead look for alternative healthy ways to deal with situations?

What actions have you taken to try and lose some anger?

I hope I am not infringing here on you as I am only trying to be of some assistance if I may be.

I realize you have been at this for 3 years. Did you lose your anger at times during this situation? Can you do it again? Have you sought help in releasing your anger? My guess is that it probably bleeds over into your W's attitude and reactions. Granted I know very little about your sitch and I will admit that.

But I think if you can take the first step towards not feeling anger anymore and projecting a positive life and attitude, I don't think your W can stay mad at your forever. It may take time. But eventually I can see that winning out over her. It is hard to stay angry at someone forever if they are always positive, happy, and nice.

If I have over stepped my bounds, please feel free to let me know.

Kevin

[dncrm]

WOW K4D,

I hope that you can feel the sameway 3 years from now but I would venture to guess that your point of view will be vastly different than it is now. I have been at this for almost 7 years and the truth is that no matter how we react the WA is always looking to make us to blame for something. Gosh, I remember 3 years ago when fib handled his wife with kid gloves she didn't much like that either. Sometimes they can't let us win no matter what we do.

[K4D]

dncrm,

I hope I can say the same thing as well. However, I'm obviously hoping for a quicker turn around time than that. But I also know that it is not in my control when W comes back. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I feel some anger, but I put it out of my mind sooner than later. And I am not saying anger is not justified. I'm just saying I don't see it helping a sitch if you keep that anger.

My W is very angry at me and blames me for everything. But I find that when I am nice to her and let things roll off my back, that the cordialness returns from her. Granted, no R has returned. But we can get along for the kids sake when I throw my anger out. And if you have kids, that is a good starting point on something that you can bond with. From there you can slowly step into other areas to bond with.

I think to often what people forget is that it isn't always going to be a turn around time when we want it to be. Thats why great patience is required. And that patience as in your sitch can take years and years sometimes. It is different for every WAS as to when they finally come to their senses as well as when you yourself finally make those real true lasting changes. If you do it temporarily and then give up and get angry, they don't see a real lasting change. They see the same old person that they left.

Kevin