First, don't beat byourself up. We all make mistakes, especially in learning a new outlook on life, which is what DB'ing is, at least for me.
Next, one thing I had to learn at first, and dam$ it was hard, was to stop trying to fix my W's problems. I thought that was my role as a H and how I was brought up to be the protector. It is not the H's job to fix his W's problems. We are supposed to listen and support. Try it and see what happens.
One thing that helped me was to treat my W like an attractive co-worker. I flirt but not enough to get in trouble.
I am almost done with a book I would highly recommend to you: "No More Mr. Nice Guy.L. Its a short read and will teach you a great deal.
In the end, you should take the focus off your W and put it back on you and your kids. Your W simply isn't in a place to provide love and support to you right now. The more you try to get her to do that, the further you are driving her away.
