I know how you feel but as I was advised in my post write down all the bad stuff then burn it. Don't send it whatever you do, just get it out on paper and then burn it. SD told me to do this, burning this type of letter is a form of release.
Glad that you got dressed and went outside and did something constructive. You will feel much better tonight. Have a nice bubble bath tonight as a treat for your hard work.
Thanks (((Cas))). You are right - I am in pain, terrific pain, however, from my latest post you may see that I got to grips with myself a little earlier!
Tomorrow I am planning to go to the garden centre to get some plants - two have died in the front garden (prophetic!) and they need to be replaced, so that will be my thing for me, even if I can do nothing else.
Sorry that you were down on Sunday ... I think that coffee and sitting by the ocean is such an easy thing for us to do here in Aus. For others, coffee and sitting in the park has to work equally as well. How are you feeling as the week progresses?
I've also made myself feel good in just one phone call. I was struggling with H's advice to wash out the wheelie bin by tipping it over on it's side in the gutter and wash it out. It is really smelly with all the kangaroo meat that my furry friends are wasting right now (yeaukc)!. Anyhow, someone put me on to the Wheelie Bin Man and in a flash I not only have got him to come and clean it, starting next week, but I also learned that he lives just 5 doors away from me! What are the chances of that??? Still, for $7, job done and I not only take control of another domestic chore but I feel good that my bins will be sweet and smelling hygienic at last!
I have struggled with meditation in the past but I may try it again - thanks for the suggestions. Take care of you, too and come back soon
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Yup! I'm getting good at stuff like that (((Oz))). I have put stuff in to balloons and let them go, too (figuritively of course as we know now that rogue balloons are polluting our environment!) and I have 'floated boats with vile messages' in them. Feels good for a while.
I am going to take that bubble bath - will ease my now aching muscles, if nothing else!
Just wish that H would get back to me and tell me what night he is planning on coming down ... I think that him holding me in limbo like this is unfair - or do I just take the bull by the horns and tell him what night is good for me?? I don't think that he deserves options right now.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Fear not Oz - I shan't be put off coming here by anyone - it's my lifeline at the moment and you are all here most of the time - my C is there for an hour, once a week! I was always against C but H thought that it would be good for my personal issues (he thinks that I have heaps but has always said that kindly) and I think that he was right, anyhow.
I think that I am lucky in finding the C who works for me - it's my one and only experience but I had no expectations - other than what I knew that I didn't want to happen and which paths that I was not prepared to go down. She seems to be right with me and I respect her views and the way she is guiding me toward WANTING to work with her for my benefit. She seems pleased at me being proactive with the amount of insight that I have.
What I didn't have insight to, and you have highlighted it here, is that all of the MLC S's are reading from the same book - in so many posts, I have found myself nodding my head and saying "yes, H said that to me too" - you almost feel like you are being spied on! It's uncanny.
Weather here today has turned out nice, warm and sunny. I got quite hot doing the weed murdering. Now, with Cas's help too, I have my list of things to do for the week. Tomorrow will be going to get those two replacements plants, Thursday will be Dolphin day and Friday will be a quick bike ride, just to give it a shot and see how I feel about it! I thought that I may put my book in the basket, fill up my camel back or take a flask and go to the lake on our development - not too far and yet just nice to get out and about. I shall be there and think of you moving in to your townhouse Oz!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I'm trying not to react, I'm trying not to react, I'm trying not to react ..... but I think that I reacted
I emailed the building disputes guy today to find out why we had heard nothing in terms of our hearing date (it was postponed in July due to our sitch) and I have just got a response back saying that H has already told them that he is not available until 6 October, due to work commitments ... now I want to know why and where he is going ... first thought, of course, is that he is having a trial placement in sister company interstate, where OW is. Of course, this is my bad mind working overtime, but is it?? I have told him often enough (when I was doing the wrong things) that he should just go and be over there with the tramp. Perhaps he is taking me at my word .... oh what am I to do??? I need to know what's happening but I'm darned if I'm going to ask. Might it be that this is his excuse for coming down this week afterall ... "... and something else that I should tell you"?
Oh why do they do this to us? You know what a bad weekend I have had and then the struggles with today. Now this .. just as I thought that I was going to have a reasonable evening.
Anyhow, in 'not reacting' I forwarded the email to H and just said that it would be nice if we could have discussions about things that concern the both of us in the future and I am sure that his 'absence' is for a good reason. I did not ask why and I doubt if I shall get a response either. He knows that I am desperate to get this case over with and yet he has not been bothered about it all the way along, in the two years that it has been going on for. I have always been the one behind it - and him when he is slacking.
Grrrrrr. I am furious. At the moment, I feel like telling him to go to h*ll (again) and filing for D myself. It's quicker and probably less torturous than this. How many slaps in the face do we LBS need before we realise that they don't want us and they will do anything to upset us??? Sorry - vent, vent, vent ..... Now I can't stop thinking about what he is planning on which is giong to take him away until October. It's a nice way to find out what your husband is up to, eh??
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Will do ... thanks JCJ. I'm stomping around the place - I need to go have a shower and then I shall be back. My head tells me that all must be well but I have huge moths in my stomach and they are doing a tribal dance, I can tell you.
How are you doing today??
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I know, it is so hard in the beginning. It will get easier though I promise. You need to really work on the whole assuming thing though Nell it just makes you torture yourself. SG wrote a really good post on it once. I will try and dig it out. When I used to feel that way (and still do sometimes) I used to go and take it out on the swimming pool. That was a good way for me to not react emotionally. I used to tell myself that I will go for a swim first and take out my emotions on the water and then I'd usually wait 12-24 hours too. It helps.
I'm ok today. Having slight anxiety that h will never contact me again but I know that is extremely unlikely to happen. I'm working from home this morning on a project with my little cat sat under my chair snoring. It's very cute!
Great Question. ACT AS IF sounds like a vague concept.
ACT AS IF is real life, in the moment. In this situation, it's not pretend everything's roses and he's coming back any second now.
It can be something like he didn't call your son tonight like he was supposed to. He's living with another woman. She may even have kids. They Your kid's really really disappointed. You hurt for your kid if not for yourself. How do you act?
Unless you're in super control of your emotions, you probably often react according to how you think and feel about the situation.
ACT AS IF is about 'framing' if you look at it the 'Tony Robbins' way.
You'd probably act very differently if you assumed in the different manners as below....let's look at some options:
1) He's with HER.(aack!) She wants him to...run errands for her, , have dinner and or wild sex with her. How would you act?
2) He's with HER KIDS (argh!!!) He's going to HER kids soccer game, helping her kids with homework...watching HER sick kids. What would you do?
3) He's working. Probably ignoring her and her kids too. What would you say to your kid?
4) He's overwhelmed. She won't let him call your kid. She's watching his every move. What would you say to him?
5) He's a doofus. He forgot? What would you say to your kid?
6) He's overwhelmed by everything. He's sick. He wasn't trying to hurt anyone, just couldn't get it together?
How would you handle each of those situations? Most likely VERY DIFFERENTLY?
Your actions (that followed your assumptions) will guide the NEXT interactions with your H...and maybe even that kid's interactions with your H.
Which assumptions do you choose?
ACT AS IF with the high road. Or one of them. (sometimes it isn't crystal clear--probably 4 or 6, maybe 5. NOT likely to be 1-3.
Thanks for digging that out for me JCJ - I need to read it a few times for it to sink in I think but I see the message getting a bit clearer.
I also see an idyllic picture of you in that cottage and your little puss sitting under the chair! One of my little puss's is sat on H's computer chair along side me as I write - which is a 180 for her as she is normally climbing all over my desk trying to get at me! See, these techniques can't be that hard to learn when even the cat does it!
I can sympathise with your fears that H will not contact you again. I fear that all the time - especially as we don't have kids and it's only the house that's holding us together, for now. If you think that's 'extremely unlikely' to happen for you, why are you worried - is it just good old paranoia out to get you today? If so, you aren't working hard enough on that project, so come on - eyes down and give it your all! (Actually, ignore that, if you did then you wouldn't have been here for me this evening)!!
Good luck with the project and here's to our H's contacting us very soon.
Miaow, miaow, miaow, prrrrrr, prrrrrr from mine to yours!
PS - a bit too cold to get in our pool right now but the treadmill is feeling lonely so I guess that the idea translates!
Last edited by Eskimo Nell; 08/25/0910:22 AM.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
