"...It still gives me a searing pain sometimes when I think of us living separate lives if we divorce. It kills me when I think of our sons with divorced parents. It hurts so bad that I worked so hard to get to this point in ourlives. Great Career, Great kids, Great house, Great wife....She takes it and tosses it away without ever really telling me how she was truly feeling..."
I can`t do the quote thing properly D, but just did my thing there cos I have to say I`m with you on that one, buddy. It is just so bloody hard to watch our WAS throw it all away.
So don`t watch. And force yourself not to think about it too much. Release your tears and sadness when you`re on your own. Get that good cry. for a long time, I took to wearing sunglasses all the time while driving, listening to Lionel Richieand weeping. You`ve gotta feel that pain to come back up.
And then think mail man, shop assistant, whoever you`d engage in banal chat to when you meet her.
I`m womdering about your anniversary fundraiser.If it`s a very social event-ie neither of you having to really hook up much during the night-why not go and have fun there yourself? Why not you go get dressed up to the nines and look forward to meeting lots of other people? She`ll notice how well you look, what a social guy you are. But she won`t say of course.
You have to avoid going down the track of cutting yourself off socially.
I took off my wedding ring a year ago.I so regret that now. If you make a mark towards separation like not acknowledging birthdays and anniversaries it moves you closer to separation IMHO and is harder to row back. Another notch in the separation pole.
If, on the other hand, you decide not to go this Thurs be sure to have great fun lined up for you and the boys. Do NOT lay around and mope. Have fun! Go to the movies(you can cry in the dark!!)bowling whatever. That`ll be a win/win for you cos you`ve gotta keep that good memory bank full for your kids!
Ignore that damned letter! File that in the DONT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE/HEAR category.
What fun have you lined up for you today?
What new hobbies are you taking up?
How are you being mysterious with your W?
Are you dressed to kill ALL the time?
How happy/healthy/ well do you look?
Have you looked up old friends/made new ones recently?
Have you changed around all your daily routines?(new toohpaste, aftershave,eat something different for breakfast, read if you don`t normally read, switch off TV, whatever is different for you to do)
Do you laugh a lot with your kids?
Have you studied DB and DR books(and don`t let her find them like my H did and dont let her know you come here to DB forum)
And no need to answer any of above questions here! They`re just for you.
Mach will tell you DON`T PUT A TIME LIMIT ON THIS! I`m years into MLC behaviours, one year into separate rooms(don`t go to the couch/guestroom if you can help it...)BUT I`m much happier! No more crazy dance between both of us anymore even though H tries to draw me in.
You`ll get drawn into the Crazy Dance if you keep that anger up D! That`s for sure. You`ll spin and spin if you don`t detach.
It`ll probably be the hardest thing you have ever done in your entire life. But if you db I promise you YOU`LL get to a happier place. Whether W comes with you or not is entirely up to her.
DO NOT discuss relationship or separation with her. If she does decide to talk LISTEN(I was crap at that!). You don`t have to agree with her but say things like"I never thought of that before"That`s good to know""Glad you told me" etc but don`t commit to anything. Give yourself time to think. And don`t believe everything she says.
and weeping. You`ve gotta feel that pain to come back up.
and dont let her know you come here to DB forum)
