Confused! Should I talk to H about D details?

[MommaDucki]

H and I have been seperated for 7 months now. 6 weeks into S, H started PA/EA with OW and dropped the D bomb on me. Says it's nothing to do with her, just realized he's never really been in love with me. Things progressed over time to, "I want a D, but am such good friends with you, I could even see us living together or at least near each other down the road. You're my best friend, but I can't be M to you. We have nothing in common." Have heard a whole slew of info, and have been DBing my butt of since.

Have done 180s and GAL for so long now that I can't even believe this person I've become! I'm the old me again, for the most part, and have a completely refreshed positive view on life once again, with the exception of still not being back with H.

I know now how I contributed to the probs in our M, and have taken resposibility for them. 3 months ago, H even woke up and realized he wanted me and not OW! I thought I was 180ing by letting him move in with me too quickly and he left and went back to OW after 4 days.

Since then, he only wants to talk about D. He doesn't even make effort to ask about D 18months. 2 months ago, I'd told him I was about done with keeping him informed about D 18mo. Told him if he wanted a R with her, he'd have to be the one making the effort. She may not understand what's going on now, but if H wants a D, D 18mo will grow up and wonder why her Daddy doesn't make any contact or effort with her. Since I told him this, he's actually been regularly calling/texting to ask how she's doing, but still not doing anything to financially support her. He's not had a job the whole time he's been with OW. She had come into some inheritance money and has been supporting him since...emotionally supporting him as well, since according to him, I'm a horrible person for the things I did to him. I know more about his R with OW than I care to know, I know what he finds so appealing about her...it's mainly that he's lazy and immature at times and she's allowing him to be that way all the time. She's also still M, and obviously S from her H, seeing as her and H are living in a hotel together.

H still tells me (I don't even ask anymore) about their R...our convos usually go something like this:
H: so can we work out all the details about our D now?
me: I accept that this is the decision you've made, but I'm not agreeing to it.
H: I've told you, I don't want a D because of her...she has NOTHING to do with this.
me: then why can't we just let this sit while I'm figuring this out in my head?
H: I DON'T WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU ANYMORE AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER!!! You're not supportive of me, encouraging of me, you nag too much, you never want to do anything, you like to control me and tell me what to do, and she just tells me how great I am, and supports me in every way. She loves me and accepts me for who I am, and isn't trying to change me. She goes along with everything I tell her. She does whatever I tell her to do. She agrees with everything I say. So now can we talk about D details?
me: Please stop raising your voice at me. I can't and won't talk to you when you're like this. We need to discuss this later.

I get off the phone with him at this time. My responding this way to him is actually a 180...and pretty big one for me. I'm very quick to jump up and defend myself when he gets that way. I'm rather calm, and he has noticed, because he'll mention it later when we talk.

I guess my real delimna here is this...he wants a D, I don't. Part of the problem in our R is that he wants everyone to do everything for him. When we were still living together, I obliged him by just doing things. In this case, it's not to say I'm pursing him, chasing him, whining, begging, pleading....I did at first, but realized after about 2 weeks that it was getting me nowhere fast! He wants a D, but won't do anything to start the process. All he wants to do is talk about it. Believe it or not, this is sort of a 180 for him as well. Normally, when it comes to a decision that affects both he and I, he works out everything to the tiniest detail without my knowledge and then drops it on me. So, honestly, him wanting to discuss this still prior to the filing is something different, but not exactly what I was looking for.

I'll be seeing him in a few days for the first time in over 3 months. He wants to sit down and have a very lengthy discussion about the details for our D, and I don't know if I can bring myself to do it.

If I do, I feel I'm virtually doing the filing myself. He wants to hear from me everything I want from the D because he knows I don't really want to D.

If I don't talk about it, I don't know if he'll ever take the initiative to do it, and if he does, I almost feel he's doing a rather good job of trying to screw me out of what I want.

I just feel so lost!!! Any advice?