On the verge of a meltdown.

[harpo]

well an interesting turn in events.tonight the W stops over the house while I was doing laundry and trying to get the kids clothes together, they start school Monday.Also we needed to have a talk with S14 because some of the gang he has been hanging with are just trouble waiting to happen.drinking,drugs the whole enchilada.so we are trying to nip it ahead of time.he has a drug test coming up for sports at school so we can tell then,but I do trust him.then my wife starts to ask him if he is having sex.that is where I had to draw the line.I told the W any more talk of sex and I can not be held responsible for my actions.she just gave me this look then we all busted out laughing.( too me it wasn't funny I was serious.last time was march)it broke the ice though.

finally all the kids vacated and I asked my W if she was going to file to have me removed from the house.she said no that we can figure something out and try to come to a solution.I couldn't resist so I asked her to come home.she hesitated for a little bit then told me the one thing she was worried about was that if she did come home that she was afraid I would revert to my old self and she would just be a doormat again.I tried to assure her that there was no way I would do that,I couldn't put her or my kids through that again.she said she has seen the change in me,and that she hates seeing the kids go through this. she just doesn't want to be hurt again.I can see where she is coming from.The one thing I can say is I haven't changed, I am the same crazy SOB she fell in love with,but my behaviors and actions have done a complete 180.I quit cigarettes 18 months ago,I have been clean and sober since Jan 1(yahoo)and I put my family above everything.but it is her fear of regression that keeps us apart.and I guess the only thing that will change that is time and patience.

So Ladies or Gents if you don't mind is there anything else I can do to try and move this to the front burner so to say.
and thanx in advance

God Bless

[aliveandkicking]

How on earth did that conversation end? Specifically?

That didn't sound bad at all, she is considering coming home...

I haven't read your sitch (it is late) but is this progress?

[Sara]

Now is a great time to suggest Retrouvaille. A weekend together at Retrouvaille provides a new start and a new way of relating to each other, with communication that works. Check the website for dates and locations near you -- www.helpourmarriage.org.

[harpo]

@aliveandkicking
yes it is progress.the conversation ended on a good note.even though she is still in somewhat of a limbo we are going to try and refi the house and get caught up on the mortgage.I get to stay in the home.she is still a little hesitant about coming home out of fear.she is just worried that if she comes home in a couple of weeks I will just be back to my same old partying self.I have told her I hear what she is saying,but she is not listening to me I can not,will not go back.
I think it's just going to take time it's just so hard seeing the end of the tunnel and being unable to step into the light.

@Sara
I have made that suggestion.she is a little reluctant to go 1)she will be uncomfortable staying in the same room.mainly because sex in our marriage was always a strong point,never lacking so I think she might feel a little vulnerable.
2)I have checked and there are several in our area but our finances right now are in bad shape and the registration fee's are kind of steep.

[pigskin]

@aliveandkicking
I have checked and there are several in our area but our finances right now are in bad shape and the registration fee's are kind of steep.

Don't let finances stop you. Call the organizer and talk to them about it. They are pretty adamant about saying that no one should avoid attending due to money issues. Plenty of couples who could afford it give way more than what is asked to help cover for those who can't give much or anything (in our weekend we were told one couple gave $8,000!). The program is about helping save marriages, not money.

[harpo]

@pigskin

Don't let finances stop you. Call the organizer and talk to them about it. They are pretty adamant about saying that no one should avoid attending due to money issues. Plenty of couples who could afford it give way more than what is asked to help cover for those who can't give much or anything (in our weekend we were told one couple gave $8,000!). The program is about helping save marriages, not money.

I will give them a call but I think the room could be an issue.but I will remain hopeful...thanks

[harpo]

Well I am a nervous wreck.the W is going to come over tonight to sort out close and such so we can get the kids ready for school on Monday.I will have them for the first day of school and a couple of days after that.She is going on a cruise with her Aunt(She is a Nun)and a her uncle (who is a priest).I just don't want to do anything to hinder our progress,but it is hard,oh so hard.I just want to grab her give her a hug tell her I love her and get on with our lives.I just don't know how to get her to move past her fear.please somebody swing a 2x4......anyway just venting i will try and stay focused....wax on.....wax off

God Bless

[pigskin]

Well I am a nervous wreck.the W is going to come over tonight to sort out close and such so we can get the kids ready for school on Monday.I will have them for the first day of school and a couple of days after that.She is going on a cruise with her Aunt(She is a Nun)and a her uncle (who is a priest).I just don't want to do anything to hinder our progress,but it is hard,oh so hard.I just want to grab her give her a hug tell her I love her and get on with our lives.I just don't know how to get her to move past her fear.please somebody swing a 2x4......anyway just venting i will try and stay focused....wax on.....wax off

God Bless

WHAP! There you go!

I know how you feel. My wife has the same fear, and unfortunately, life if full of uncertainty and risk, and worrying (on their part and ours) is unproductive. Maybe your Aunt and Uncle will be able to reach her on the trip. When I feel as you do, I try to put my trust in God, rather than wallowing in fear of what's next. Think of St. Peter walking on the water to Jesus. As soon as he felt fear and doubt, he sank. Very tough to do, but necessary, I think.

[gucci loafer]

I have a few things I think you should seriously consider...

First is the fact that you don't have a job. I understand that you say you had the car accident and such, but it still doesn't take away from the very distinct possibility that your wife doesn't respect you. Here she is working and holding a job (and I thought you said working some overtime.)

Not to say you are using the accident for and excuse not to work, BUT.. ARE YOU?

Enough about that.

I think your wife is very very possibly in an affair...

Why do I think this?

Let's go over the followning quotes..

great more drama so I asked well were is mom.She went to the game.so like an idiot I asked with who.she went with a co-worker(male-divorced)and a S9.now thing get a little queasy.and the brain starts swelling.I don't have any proof but they seem to spend a lot of time together,play softball, take the kids, out so on so on.I don't know if I should ask her about it our try to find out for myself.either way I think if I find out it is that will be the last event I need to send me to the twilight Zone.I hope and pray I am wrong but the hair on the back of my neck tells me different.

So they spend a lot of time together? play together? take the kids ?
PLUS the fact that she is now backed off on a relationship with you?

2+2=4

am beginning to think my suspicions where right.W did not get home until after 4:00 AM.and she had S8 with her I know the game was over @ 10:30 .and it is a 2 - 2.5 hour drive.I have been up all night unable to sleep.all this crap is just running through my head and it really sucks.God I want a lobodomy.I am not sure what to say or how to atemp to say anything.I want to approach this guy and ask WTF.I know him not that it matters.I'm just torn.any thoughts on this would help because right now I am in a serious fog.

She then goes to a baseball game with this guy. You find out from YOUR son that she was at the game? Correct? She gets home at 4:00 am?

I also had a chat with her because I was concerned with S12 as he confided in me saying he wasn't happy about the co-worker(guy)she was hanging out with.he told me he was worried something was going on.I have to admit also I was bothered by it. so I had to inquire.she informed me it was nothing,and if it was really bothering everybody she would stay away.apparently S14 had already confronted her on it also.she also let me know she wasn't
the least bit interested in anyone else.which put me at ease a tad.

So, your son that is 12 years old can see what is happening and you don't?
Then of course as a typical WAW, she denies it and you are relieved. Any chance that she is lying like most all WAW's do? I think she is.

And now this.....????? She is going on a cruise? With her Aunt and Uncle (nun and a priest?????)

She is going on a cruise with her Aunt(She is a Nun)and a her uncle (who is a priest).

Trust but verify..... Any chance she is going with the OM? Just coincidence?


RED FLAGS ALL OVER.....


I would take a step back and look at what is going on more closely.
Even your 12 year old is telling you something...

Get wise....

[harpo]

@gucci loafer

Yes I agree the employment situation can be an issue.I am currently seeking employment.but I do need to make a career change and the lapse in work is making it a slow process.

".She then goes to a baseball game with this guy. You find out from YOUR son that she was at the game? Correct? She gets home at 4:00 am?"

She did have the kids with her and they went by train.that is why they did not get home until 4:00 AM.

So, your son that is 12 years old can see what is happening and you don't?
Then of course as a typical WAW, she denies it and you are relieved. Any chance that she is lying like most all WAW's do? I think she is.

And now this.....????? She is going on a cruise? With her Aunt and Uncle (nun and a priest?????)

My son did verify this.he overheard the conversation between her and her uncle.

I know there are a lot of red flags.I did voice my concern again and she again said that there is nothing going on.that it's just our son and his are friends but without proof I am kind of at a loss.I don't know if I should approach this guy or not.I would like to believe her,or do I try and get proof.this has put me in a spot.I don't want to push her further away.and I don't like the way it feel's I have pains in my chest while I type this never mind think about it.at this point I am not just sure what to do.