New to this Community seeking advice

[JR09]

Today is MON, and out of nowhere my W calls during lunch time. She said I called. It surprises me because I actually didn't... But I said "yes i did". This is the second time in two days that she calls first. I usually always initiate the calls. We talked for 38 min. since I started DBing, I usually keep it under 15 min, so this is a first. also, we really had a conversation instead of me just asking questions.

We talked about the car, our boys, our planned meeting so I can perform this religious ordinance for my S12, her school, our parenting strategy with the boys. I am very surprised to say the least. I did my best to always affirm, listen, and never raise my voice or be confrontational. At one point I tested the waters and said "I really have worked hard to be very active in our church. I am as active as ever". To which she replied " too late now!" I said "I don't understand". She continued "too late now, I'm gone". That comment really cut into me like a knife.

It did bother me, especially as I was going back to work. I had a very hard time fighting back the tears. Later, I thought about the positives of the conversation and realized that it was a big plus that this is the very first time my W ever talked with me over the phone for such a long time. we never talked about us, but I also asked her at one point "do you want to go out to lunch with me" She said "no". I didn't insist. Just acknowledged it and said OK.

All in all, I thought it was a positive overall. Not sure if my W was testing me. No idea. All I noticed is that when we talked about our parenting plans, we agreed on everything and she had a soft voice. Later, she resumed her tough voice. But That's OK. I was glad we talked.

gotta remember DBing and not be influenced by the harsh comments. I am not sure if my W has worked as hard as I have to get better. I can still sense the anger, the hurt. I kept my cool all along, responded gently, lovingly. Maybe she noticed. No idea. Good event overall. I 'll count that as good DBing.

JR