Whatisis: I don't know that anyone took that as offensive (I did not) but I didn't give it much thought. I know that some people are there by unfortunate circumstances but there are others who are just too lazy and self righteous to get a job. Those are the ones I personally have a problem with.
I think when you are ready you will post your photo if you're comfortable. You can always just read profiles and see if you find someone you feel you might be interested in talking too. Getting your feet wet is scary at first but you communicate well and I think those from this bb do very well because they know how to chat comfortably with those of the opp sex. You don't have to ask them out - just get a feel for what you are ready for.
When I thought about what I wanted in someone new - there were lots of desires on my list. But it came down to this - I needed to find someone I could trust with my heart. Without that - nothing else would matter. And that is who I found. He is nothing like the picture in my head of my "perfect man". Nor was he the right age or live in the right city even. But none of that mattered when I found someone who proved himself honorable and honest.
Long before I even considered dating again I made a list of what I was looking for in a new R. And I'm glad I did. Because I went back to that list many times and tried to stay true to myself.
I'm tired too. Different reasons. But just tired. Glad to get back to the cottage to finish out the summer.
You're going to be just fine. watch and see what happens in the next 6 months.
Hey Barb, my government assistance crack was black social services humour, I just didn't want to offend anyone out there with out of place comments. Anyway, your advice is certainly appreciated re the online dating thing. I do peruse the possibilities and formulate sometimes what I might say to that person if I ever did contact them! It's kind of a preparatory exercise. One of the things that has occured to me about dating is that not only am I looking to get out there again after 20 years but I'm looking for different things. When I was dating previously I was looking for someone to marry and raise a family with...those days are long over now. It's a whole new ballgame, so as you did, it's good to think about what you are looking for. Darned if I know! Let's see...umm...she has to be female, that's as far as I've gotten so far. It's a good thing you gave me six months.
You definitely sound tired. I would be getting lots of rest, eating healthy foods, and staying away from crowds (with other bugs that your body may not be able to handle right now).
I am sure you didn't mean anything mean by the remark.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Sometimes we don't even know what it is that we really want. I thought I wanted to get married again. 8 years later - I'm not so sure about that. Maybe. Maybe not. What I considered "the norm" was 30 plus years ago and like you - for raising and being a family. That dream was shattered. But I am not shattered. Nor are my kids. Not anymore. Because we have healed. And now I know that relationships come in many different forms. I would never have thought I would be happy in a weekend and vacation only R but hey - it works for us. And we are both quite happy. Because as very independent people - we like our own space and freedoms too to pursue hobbies, socialize with lifelong friends - things like that.
When you're ready - you'll go for it. And you'll figure out pretty quickly what is working for you and what is not. Just the fact you're even thinking about it and looking at the site tells me you've come a long way. We accept the things in our lives as we are ready to accept them. On our own time. Nothing wrong with that.
Thanks SFO and Being Me. Y'know, I have never felt so wiped out as I have these days. It's not a good time for me to be thinking about dating or anything except getting my strength back. It's amazing what your mind can do to ya when you're lacking energy. I said to my doctor a few weeks ago " the last five years of my life have been a bit of a hell ride but I've never taken a drink or a pill to get by and now a lousy virus knocks me on my back and I'm having trouble getting back up!" It's frustrating when I've basically kicked the crap out of every sitch that life has thrown at me in the past few years and now something so minor seems to take more out of me than all that ever did. I keep trying to think about what the Lord might be trying to teach me and all I can come up with is that he wants me to recognize that I'm not some sort of self annointed superman who can take just about anything and bounce back. Maybe I have to recognize that's it's OK to be tired sometimes, it's OK not to do everything all the time, and maybe, just maybe, it's a chance to deepen my connection with my maker. Who really knows. Btw, I've returned to my old church. Something just kept bringing me back there until I was once again spending more time there then at my new church. So I decided to return full time. The Pastor said "Whatis, there must be some reason the Lord keeps sending you back to us" Again, who knows. I also found that my dreams of re-kindling my friendship with my woman friend by going to church together was pretty much a no go. Since january we have lost a great deal of contact with each other and I wanted that back. Shortly after I began attending her church she started coming with someone who I disapprove of for reasons I will not disclose here. In a private conversation I was very honest with her about my concerns and that may have created some more distance between us. But hey, a friend says what he really thinks when he cares. So, I'm more comfortable right now being a little more distant from that sitch by attending my old church. Anyway, that's it for now. SFO, thanks for sharing your experience on this journey, it helps!
I really hear you about the exhaustion as I've been feeling it myself this week. Work related stress (horrors) have done me in. I know I'm retiring but the mutiny that occurred is hurting. I'll get past it but emotional strain can be so taxing.
I can relate to what you are saying about not having to do it all and be a superhero. I guess I'm guilty of that. Thanks for the reminder.
Dating only comes when you're ready. Healing yourself fully is so important. So many people go for the bandaid first without working on the problem so it doesn't leave too many scars. You are a wise man to realize you need more time. But of course - many of life's lessons are learned after the fact. I continue to learn more about myself as time goes on and I make mistakes.
Stay focussed on the good things in your life (your girls, your hobbies etc) and keep your expectations in check. You are a good person and it will all work out when given a bit more time.
Speaking of the girls, Barb, the oldest is driving me nuts! She's 15 and has her first boyfriend. It's now a continual argument about everything from time allowed on the telephone, internet to bed times. I told her this morning that I'm sick of her snarky attitude and it better start changing. I know it's your typical teenager stuff, the old "I don't need you, I want to be my own person" but it's a real test especially when I'm feeling worn out! I hope you get re-energized soon. Thanks for stopping in.
I HEAR you on this. Ashley is turning 21 in a couple of weeks and STILL drives me crazy. In her heart of hearts she is still a wonderful person and is turning out just fine but getting her to adulthood while singleparenting her since she turned 13 has been very difficult.
Stand your ground. Understand the hormonal stuff. Remember to notice the good things she does and tell her. And try to remember that you want to have a good relationship with her when she is grown.
I'm in Toronto today. Had lunch with my son and shopped a bit. I feel some better.
Thanks Barb, glad you're feeling better. I actually did tell my daughter tonight that I thought she was making good decisions about a specific situation, I do try to be positive as possible, she's a good kid. For me, today was not really a good one. My best friend phoned to tell me his wife is leaving him. We're meeting tomorrow night, I just hope I don't fall apart instead of him! Boy, do I need a good cry.
be strong for your friend cause he'll need you to listen to his problems and provide perspective. one thing i've realized is how much insight i can give to people just starting down the same painful road.
