I have struggled with many of the same issues as you regarding no-contact and an EA. My W also thinks that she can be 'friends' with this person and that occasional contact isn't a problem.
The issue I have is that my W considers us 'separated' and therefore I don't really have a lot of leverage. I had made an ultimatum for No Contact a few months back which is what led to this 'separated' state, even though she claims she has no feelings for him but can't promise she won't talk to OM ever.
I just noticed they texted each other Friday.
We also went to Retro early this year - it woke me up and I recognized things I needed to change but didn't have much impact on her.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
