Hon, I know this is hard on you. I know how you feel. I was in just the same state.
The good news is that I can tell you that things will get better. They just will. You have to devote all your efforts on yourself and S. The pillock will just have to look after himself for a while.
This is probably the hardest work you'll ever do in your entire life. And it's worth it.
Thanks Mac. Spent a good part of today getting caught up on your sitch. It is very inspiring. I am so glad you are here to share. I am keeping my hopes up best I can. Some days are easier than other's.
Picked up a new book today that IS NOT about trying to fix H or marriage, but something to help with S and all the problems he is having dealing with all of this. Thinking it will be good to just focus on him for a bit.
I am tired but can't sleep. I fall asleep and then wake up in the wee hours of the morning with thoughts racing....mostly about OW and other things H has done that are so hurtfull. I formulate and re-formulate what I want to say to him and to her...then realize it will do no good and try to get back to sleep. Again, some days/nights are better than other's. I'm in a down slump but will pick back up. Going to church tomorrow. Always helps
H seems to have crawled in a cave. The rollercoaster is so hard to ride. Just a few weeks ago there were lots of I love You's, kisses and conpliments and phone calls and texts just to check in. Now, all business about our S. He has been going out with guys from work, drinking, probably picking up on other women. I would guess he and OW are in contact again. Who knows. I wish I had a way to know for sure. It drives me crazy. Regardless, he's not giving his attention to me. I feel broken and tired and am having a hard time getting out of bed and going about my day. UGGHHHHH
Have you tried sleeping pills to help you get through the night? I'm not sure how old your S is and if you'd want to take that route. I also have a very hard time sleeping and have rx pills that help but don't knock me out.
I have done the same thing about OW, thinking about her constantly and what type of contact they've had etc... Don't do it. It does drive you crazy. I put her in the back of my mind as much as possible. I was getting to the point where she was controlling my life because I was thinking about her too much. Completely not worth it. They will get theirs in the end. We have to believe that.
I hope your evening has gotten better since your last post. How old is your S? What things have you been doing with him to keep yourselves busy?
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Thanks for the ideas Ash. S is 6, so I can take something to sleep and it's a good idea. I was doing much better not thinking about OW. Not sure why it is coming up again. I think it's just because I am realizing all my effort is waisted if she doesn't GO AWAY. I know my H has to decide that is the right choice or she will just keep coming back in. They use the "just friends" excuse even though there is tons of evidence to the contrary. I guess that is why I get so obsessed, that someone would have the gal to behave that way and then not even apologize or see their error after having it pointed out. My H has seen it, admitted it is not a healthy relationship, and then I think he slides back into it and I think a big reason is because she convinces him I am just crazy/insecure whatever.
Anyway, does me no good to obsess over it. So, my S and I love to go to the beach and park. I am trying to connect with other mom's and kids because I really enjoy that social piece and it keeps him busy too.
H and I do a lot with him also as a family, which I think is good for S, but I wonder if it isn't making it too easy on H. Basically he get's to see S often and can go home to his apartment and drink and do whatever he does. He says he is lonely and miserable and want's to come home, but seems he has it made. We'll see. I have set up clear boundaries and have my own time frame set in my mind. Hard to know how much of this is OW, how much is addiction, how much is lack of committment to M. I can't believe over a year later I am still trying to figure this out. Remind me again why it wouldn't just be easier to start over with someone else.
Remind me again why it wouldn't just be easier to start over with someone else.
I wish I had a good answer for you. The best I can do is: the grass isn't always greener on the other side. We all think we have problems then we learn of others problems and think "well, maybe my problems aren't so bad" or "Man, I'd never be able to handle THAT!"
DR talks about how children are better off with both parents. Also, a divorce doesn't end your R with H, it just changes it. You guys will always have a relationship because of your S.
I admire you for hanging in there for so long. I'm having a hard time and it's only been 3 months.
At the very least you know you're trying to make it work. Eventually some of us will have to decide when is enough enough. Only you can answer that.
I think you're doing great. My sister dealt with a MLCer who was involved in an EA and maybe a PA. After 15 months he finally came around. There are happy endings. Hopefully you will have one.
I can't remember, are you going to IC?
btw..I know what you mean about obsessing over the OW. I did at first, laid off for a while and somehow she got back under my skin. Now I've laid off again and hope I can stick to it. Totally not worth my time, energy or effort.
Hang in there. If you're on FB, look me up...I'm a fan of Divorce busting.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Yes, I needed that reminder. Thank you. It's nice to hear about success stories too. I have been talking to a DB coach when I can afford it, she is fabulous and I always feel totally refocused after I do. I also go ot a great support group for people dealing with addicts which is a big help too. I think I've just gotten worn down this last few months. I will rally and make it through. Thanks for your support. I think I sent you a friend request from FB, my name is Christy if you get it.
