Just read through this entire thread and am hoping that you can get calm and centered really soon. You have so much advice being thrown at you that I don't want to add too much to it. When that happened to me it just sent me spinning in too many directions.
The point I want to make here is the one that many others have made- slow down, and stop reacting. It is very clear that you do not want to be divorced. That doesn't mean that you can't be smart, can't protect yourself and your assets, etc. You do not need divorce papers to do those things.
I do want to respond to this:
Quote:
Also, don't have any expectations for your "date." These WAS's will ask you out, but it isn't for anything worthwhile.
While I agree with the first sentence...the second one? I find it to be complete rubbish. How else can you put into practice the skills you are learning if you don't keep these dates? He is watching you. He wouldn't have asked you out if he wasn't curious about something or didn't want to spend the time with you. It is up to you to make this time WORTHWHILE.
You are in a tough situation. I, too, have a confused man to deal with. I know what you are going through- the highs and the lows- the hopeful days and the truly rotten ones.
I just know that for me, I had to ride all of those waves because each time I improved a little more. GG, I know that the answer for me is that I will not be ready to call it quits until I know I did everything I could and my relationship still didn't improve. Each time I thought that I had things all figured out, a new situation arose to make me see that I still had some things that I needed to fix within myself. This is not about fixing my X, please understand that. It was always about me, my (lack of) communication skills, and the many silly mistakes I made within my marriage.
Please just try to relax and try really hard to not react to what he is doing/saying. Just take each contact as an opportunity to show him that you are willing to listen. Always remember that no words are needed when it comes to you changing. Don't tell him that you've done it, just do it and wait for him to realize it. It is the only way it is believable.
Hang in there. No one can promise you that your marriage will be saved, but there is always that possibility--- don't push past it out of fear or because people tell you that you should. Be true to YOU.
