Positive developments? #2

[jon2911]

It was a good visit overall. I need to keep telling myself that.

Wednesday, I was surprised to see SSIL there when I arrived. She's the one that lives with W's parents and gets grilled about how W's doing. It was awkward at first, but I took them out for ceviche and then a movie. Even agreed to see "Julie and Julia", and ended up enjoying it. W was very appreciative, and SSIL also.

Thursday we relaxed, spent some time by the pool, and started taxes a bit. W took a nap in the afternoon and woke up very freaked out from one of her nightmares. She didn't want me sleeping in her room this visit and gave that as the reason. She asked if we could go for a drive, and we tried a great Vietnamese place near her apartment, went shopping for several household items for both of us, and then visited old town Spring, a cute little town near Houston. She told me many childhood memories while we were there. We came back and watched "Misery", a great old Stephen King flick with Kathy Bates. The cool thing about this was that I got W's laptop running perfectly through her new TV, which she'd been unable to do. Now she can watch Netflix's online selection that way.

Friday morning she had another doctor appointment, and we worked on taxes the rest of the day. It was tough. We were able to work things out, but there are some touchy subjects like the tax she needs to pay to Louisiana from a gas well she owns there. I told her I don't see any of that money, so I shouldn't pay the taxes.

The whole visit, she had been very negative, and picking at me constantly. She still doesn't like the job I'm working, or the different music stuff I'm doing. But with what she's going through I guess this can be expected. I thanked her Friday afternoon for trying to be nice, even with the tough doctor's appointments and everything. She said "I promised I would try".

Lots of other little things I'm still processing, but then, right when I was ready to leave, I made what feels like a big mistake. I had planned on mentioning the FB message from our friend, and that I need to contact her sister and some other friends to make amends in the recovery steps I'm going through. SIL has been through it as well and will completely understand. I knew it might not go well, but she really blew up and asked me to leave.

As I drove away, I got a text "we can finish taxes over the phone and e-mail. You are not welcome here any more". Ouch. I texted back that I didn't express that well, that I have some contacts that need to be made but I won't badmouth her or make her look bad in any way.

Today I'm really torn up about this. These are friends who have contacted me, who W has completely cut off contact with, but she still forbids me to be in touch with them. I honored that the whole last year, but don't feel it's reasonable any more. At the same time, I value R with W so much more than them. And I feel like I ruined a great visit by bringing it up. I suck at this.

I'm reading through a book on children of alcoholics, and it applies so perfectly to the sitch. The biggest rule in families like W's is "there's nothing wrong with our family and don't you dare talk about it". Also, the kids are forced to be responsible adults early in childhood, and later on get tired of being responsible. It's scary how well this stuff describes W.

The weekend was very good. Disc golf tournament on Saturday, Sunday was packed. Played at church, then fantasy football draft, then staff reunion at the camp I worked at, then watched my friend DJ at a club. So maybe I'm just tired today, but I'm really down.

Do I just leave W alone now? Apologize? Don't know what to do.