Hi, I think the fact that you're asking the question gives you your answer. You definitely need to figure this out before committing to marriage. Which is pretty much what everyone else has said.
Just a few thoughts to add to the mix:
HOW you handle differences in your R is probably more important even than what the specific differences are. Right now you have a difference in sexual interest. Others will come up, trust me.
When I was 27, if someone had told me sex would become a take-it-or-leave it thing with me, I would have laughed them off the planet. I had a libido to match any "HD" person here.
Quote: I know he does understand how important this is to me. And he is trying very hard. Things have really changed for the better. but still, i am mostly the one initiating, and its hard to know he would have got along fine without it, and is doing it for me.
This actually sounds pretty good to me. He's stepping out of his comfort zone and doing something FOR YOU. That's a significant act of love. What you might need to find out is if he thinks he can and is willing to keep this up (no pun intended) throughout your marriage. Chances are he will occasionally slip up and need to be reminded. Are you okay with needing to remind him? Is he?
Also be very clear with yourself and him what it is you want/need. Frequent sex, innovative sex, sex where he initiates, sex where he's totally hot for your body?
Finally, think about what sex means to you. If he doesn't initiate sex with you or only does it for you, do you believe that means he doesn't love you enough or in the right way? Does sex need to mean the same thing to him as it does to you in order for you to feel satisfied with your sexual relationship or to feel loved? Even if you're having sex frequently, could you be comfortable with the differences in meaning or would it eat at you?
Some of the issues that come up on this board are not as much about the frequency of sex, but about what a person believes sexual interest means.
