HDgirl: "Have you had any discussions with your boyfriend regarding this issue? How has reacted and what have you tried? "
We did talk about it, quite a lot. As I said we had good spells and bad spells. During the bad ones, when we talked about it, he would say that this is just a period, it will pass etc. obviously he is satisfied with much less sex than me. At first I used to get frustrated and angry and for a long time I could not fathom the notion that a men wouldn't want to have sex. I couldn't understand it - I had these really bleak scenarios as to why he isn't interested. And I kept asking myself how he can go on for a month without etc. I have tried everything you tried - sexy lingerie etc. it has nothing to do with it. It just doesn't make a change. And I know he loves me very much. Well, today I understand that our libidos are just mismatched. I used to ask him how was it with his last serious girlfriend- just to understand if it’s something about me. He said it was a matter of periods. So I think this is the man and there is nothing I can do about it. I do think that during the good spells I can compromise and live like that quite well. After all- this isn't the first and most important thing in a relationship. But it is a very important aspect nevertheless... and it’s the bad times i am afraid of. I am afraid that this will only make any future arguments on other subjects worse for the lack of sex. Also, I have to admit to myself that even if we will reach some kind of a good condition, he will probably never be as interested as I am. There will be some discrepancy. Always. The thing is, i keep telling myself - you have such a good relationship. Who is to tell that the next guy you meet will be such a wonderful match in bed? And if he will, what if he has other aspects you can't stand? i used to have a boyfriend who was amazing in bad and we where very compatible sexually, but i could never live with him for the rest of my life or marry him- for a ton of reasons. Last night i told my boyfriend about this site i found (ssm). I asked him to just listen to me and not get upset. I told him about this forum, and how for the first time i found out about other people with the same problem as ours, and that there was a name for it (HD women, LD man). And i told him how apprehensive it made me feel, to read all those messages of people who are married for 20 years and going through this horrible fights and frustrations. And that i am afraid about what is going to happen to us. He asked for some time to think about it. So i don’t have his answer yet. I know he does understand how important this is to me. And he is trying very hard. Things have really changed for the better. but still, i am mostly the one initiating, and its hard to know he would have got along fine without it, and is doing it for me. G.
