Well, the way this works is that you are going to have to take on the majority of the load here, if not all of it. Are you ready for that? If not, quit now. I don’t think you are ready to quit. He may not be either or maybe he is. Who knows? Right now, that’s not your job to figure out. What are you doing do GAL? What are you doing for you? How old are your kids?
Not much of a friend is she? That’s unfortunate.
You say she has nothing to offer….bad and dangerous thinking. You know exactly what she has to offer him…..don’t you?
She is not real. He has not one responsibility to or for her. Imagine, a life with no responsibilities. He doesn’t get yelled at by her. What do you do? (Badgering) He gets compliments from her. What do you give him? (A hard time for sitting in a mini van)
In a nut shell…..she has a lot to offer and if you don’t believe that, you might be dead in the water already.
So, what do you do?
Start working on you. It’s time to act as if…..my suggestions? Act as if she’s irrelevant. Think about it. You are such a better person than her, why worry about her? Aren’t you better than her? If yes, then it won’t be too hard to pull this off.
The most important thing you MUST do right now: Stop asking about her. Stop asking him anything R related. No more yelling, no more questions, no more badgering him.
Right now, he’s not fighting with her. He’s not being interrogated by her. So who do you think he’d rather talk to? Hang out with? Be with? You or her? That’s what he sees in her.
You have H in the basement. That is good. Take advantage of it. Go and plan things so he sees you going out. Take you kids with you. Invite him or don’t. If you do, make it clear you were going with or without him anyways. That’s a win win situation for you both because it’s no pressure on either of you. Don’t be disappointed if he says no. Eventually when he sees all those smiles walking back in the door, he’ll start saying yes or maybe just invite himself.
This is something that is very difficult, I still have problems with it, but you can’t react to him. He’s probably not even doing things to get a rise out of you but he’s probably not thinking about your feelings either which sucks.
When will it end? Really, and this was probably the hardest thing for me to learn…..it ends when you let it. He’s not in love with her.
