I mean I sat in therapy with my H with my breast-feeding 5 month old in the waiting room (6 years ago) and we discussed our sex life barely even addressing any of these issues...WTF?
My W and I sat in therapy with our 6-month old (now 15 months)next to us in a baby-carrier. At that point, my W's statement was "I am not attracted to YOU" - not "I don't want sex". She was in the full depths of an EA, and definitely was not feeling Asexual.
Thinker, I suggest you make a distinction between an EA and a PA in this sitch. She was physically inhibited and it was safer in her mind because her lack of sexual availability probably freaked her out too. I fantasized about other men...but actual physical contact, no way. I'm trying to impart something that fits in with your sitch and you're kind of missing it...
while its a case by case basis. i agree with thinker..that they want to have sex.
i am puzzled by their reaction to it.
why do they abandon , in this case the H and seek attention elsewhere?
is it insecurity? do they need to feel attractive to others? men are very physically oriented...they want sex for the sex part, but if women for the most part dont, whats the deal?
i would assume that even (lets say my wife) is not having an EA or PA, its only a matter of time
Guys, this is not about having sex. And an EA is different than a PA.
Yes, you are missing something. And I'm sorry that we women are so confounding (seriously).
She doesn't know what she wants. She knows she is not sexually attracted to you right now which logically leads her to think, "well then, maybe I need someone else"...but, I'm pretty certain she's missing the mark.
And, the EAs often lead to PAs because guys aren't to satisfied with hanging out and talking indefinitely. I'm not saying the women don't get turned on (I suppose that's the icing) but it is not the impetus.
or as my wife says, "i want to have sex, just not with you."
the emotional connection is missing for her
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"well then, maybe I need someone else"...but, I'm pretty certain she's missing the mark.
she is missing the mark...im a great catch! (lol)
ok so now my brain is getting a little fried...you say she doesnt know what she wants, which is probably true..would you say if I was a great husband communicator all that stuff that this never would hvae happened? OR do you think this was inevitable?
TR Rose T-10 M-6 H-39- W-36- S-4 D-1 Bomb 4/09 Blow up 8/09 1st thread 2nd thread 3rd thread
ok so now my brain is getting a little fried...you say she doesnt know what she wants, which is probably true..would you say if I was a great husband communicator all that stuff that this never would hvae happened? OR do you think this was inevitable?
Well, how the hell would I know?
I think looking at the timing (post second baby and confirmed depression) it was probably inevitable. Marital discourse is by most accounts inevitable/predictable (check out the stages of marriage on the Retrouvaille site- you can google it). But, you play your part.
Doesn't matter, here you are. You've got a crisis on your hands and you have to handle it one way or the other so assigning blame is useless.
I will say that hearing those words come out of your W's mouth must suck and I think part of this is going to have to entail you manning up and perhaps calling her bluff. My H would pout and say "why don't you go get your perfect guy..." and taunt me. That was no good.
I think you're ready for some good advice cuz I'm veering off...Coach...
