From what I hear you say, it sounds like there is no hope left for this.
I don't know where you picked up on that????? Not true.
I was directing my answer to your response to my "agreeing philosophy." You asked if sometime it backfired. Any advice can backfire. There are no gurantees. My experience of watching and observing what happens when there is a reconciliation has shown me that "not agreeing" doesn't work. I have seen that it makes the WS dig in their heels deeper. The more you tell them you don't want the divorce, the more determined they are to keep telling you they do want it. Their natural reaction is to fight against the pressure. Many of the WS's still don't move forward on the divorce either way you go. With that in mind, my advice is to agree with them and then do nothing. It gives them nothing to fight against.
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But in terms of the whole 'agreeing philosophy' it's gotta sometimes backfire, right?, like if I acquiese 'ok, i can't stop you..' etc and don't try to use Retro or any other method as a way to delay/see if there's a chance to turn around...it might just make it easier for him and he goes ahead and does it. Then what? I agree and sign and the marriage ends?
Your hope is in letting go, taking off pressure, being a happy person, etc. etc. etc.... That is your best hope and gives you more chance to reconcile.
I was single and dating women at one time. I was dating more than one.(big surprise huh?) My wife came along in that process of me dating others.
Do you want to know why she stood out from the other women?
First, is that I have to be attracted physically to a woman. I was attracted to her. ( hopefully you already have that with your WS)
However. I was dating more than one attractive woman, so that wasn't what pulled me to ask her to be exclusive and then later to marry.
I became MORE attracted to her because of the way she seemed to handle me. NEVER any pressure. She was always happy. She was fun. She bantered. She was funny.
She was dating some others too. I was always happy. I was fun. I bantered. I was funny. I loved to hear her laugh. She would laugh at my silly jokes.
I remember thinking after one of our dates.."My god, I laugh more and harder with her than I do with my BUDDIES"... Interesting.... It made me WANT to be with her more. It was just a natural process. Happy people attract happy people and want to RUN from unhappy people... Get it?
I did most of the calling and initiating dates. ( even though she was dying for me to call when I would let a few days go by) She was a challenge because she had other men interested in her and I KNEW it. I knew she was a great catch.
Get it? You are making this more difficult than it is. Quit worrying about "what if" and start living HAPPILY in the now. Be like my wife was to me. It IS very appealing to a man that "wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it"
If he wants to date other.. No biggie. So do you. If he is a great catch to other women.. No biggie. So are you to other men...
He's just having fun.. So are you.. Just having fun...
Good relationships really ARE NOT work.
Ask me or ask my wife. We in no way consider our relationship work... YUK..
FUN.. We make it fun.... laugh.... enjoy our time together.....
