"The wives of men who have too much of the 'bad boy' in them wind up on the OTHER forums here (not the SSM forum), while the husbands who have too much of the 'nice guy' in them wind up here, reading my long ad nauseam posts."
You may have forgotten one personality who would eventually end up in this forum -- the wives of men who have too much 'nice guy.' You may not believe this, but I do. I think I fall into this category. In my case, I like them both.
Dear Bagheera,
Since I can't seem to post on YOUR thread, I have posted my response here, hoping that you will come visit. I have only been able to read thus far (7/9) @ 8:50 p.m. on your "Rocky Road" thread, which is locked BTW. When I got to your wife's bedroom list, I had to stop reading for half the day because I was way too emotional. Anyway, I'm still reading and hoping you're doing well.
I've decided to resurrect this thread from the dead and dying because a starved sex life is all I have left. I am no longer married, although I am also still not divorced. My H has been gone in body and in spirit for a long, long time. I also realized today that he never really loved me. In fact, he not only didn't love me, but that he never even liked me. I know this because he never respected me.
It saddens me, but I am in no way able to express my feelings except for here, on this board to you, who are here in cyberspace with me. If anyone reads this out there and wishes to comment, I'm open. I don't really have any answers, or even questions at this time.
I don't believe your H didn't love you......I think he just doesn't know how to express that love and he fears it. I don't know if that's maybe from his childhood or what, but that's what I see in your sitch.
Whatever, the problem, it's NOT YOU!! It's inside him!!! I know that doesn't make it any better, and in some ways it makes it worse because it all seems so incomprehensible. It also makes us feel powerless. But, we do have power over ourselves!!
I struggle each day with letting go and moving forward, as you can see if you take a look at my thread. I've had some major backsliding lately. But they say that if you change your thoughts, you can change your feelings. So, don't give up, sweetie!! By that, I mean on yourself! You are a phenomenal woman!! Don't forget that!
I stayed home sick from work and am getting ready to go back to bed (the meds make me sleepy).
Take care!!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Hi poet. Sorry to hear about your H. It must be so hard, I can only imagine. Hang in there and please do keep posting.
SF
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Dear Poet, I caught up with your response to my post, Poet. I am glad you come here and have a place to share. It is also clear that you have good friends here. And some of your friends have offered good advice. I hope God gives you a heartfelt calm and peace in the midst of not having answers (or questions).
Take care, Laurie
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Wow, it has been since February for me and I thought that was a long time.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
