My H said he wants a D, I'm devastated!

[BeingMe]

H indicated that I never jumped on top of him in the early a.m., never snuggled at night and was never intellectually passionate.

Was he ever like that? Stability, kindness and love was good enough all the years you were married and now he wants something different. Did he give as good as he got? He wants you to change? What the heck is intellectually passionate, anyway? Definitely sounds like OW, I'm afraid. Sounds like an early R, where one would be jumping on top of one another and snuggling at night (which is weird for a man to want, the snuggling I mean, but oh well).

You were probably always fun --- he just didn't appreciate it before and now that there is a possible parting of the ways, he is seeing there is more to you then he realised. So, I very much agree with the DBC --- he is lazy and needs to face the world on his own. If he comes back and wants to go into counselling then you know he means it. If you lose him for good, then you know it was inevitable and at least you had control of your life by giving him his. Hope I make sense here. (The ol' "if you set a bird free, etc. .....)

My H never actually left the house before wanting a reconciliation. He was in another bedroom, however. So, I can't tell you how that felt. Ask yourself though ---- how much worse can you feel? Perhaps having him outside the house will give you some peace (I have heard other DBers mention this, that they felt better not having to deal with the constant emotions having them in the house).

If there is no give and take and H has decided for both of us our M cannot be saved, than there is really nothing I can do, can I?

I get the impression from other posts of yours, that your H isn't much of a give and take person anyway. He has decided he wants to end the M, but he wants you to do the grunt work. He wants to go to Montreal, but either you have to drop him off at the border or his "friends" must come pick him up. He doesn't seem to be a very independent man? You could use this to your advantage if you wanted to, but then how will you truly know he's committed? Take the coaches advice and stick to it for as long as you can and then a bit more. By the end of September, some other idea or situation may present itself.

Just some thoughts. Take care and good luck!!!!