In Limbo

[d1adsl5a]

Fall,

I read your thread earlier to Cat. Sounds like you have gone through these moods as well. Looks like you are handling things better than me. It is so hard just being with this person everyday. It has been a tough week for me. I usually have been responding in one word answers and not looking at her. When I said that I saw the letter, knowing all the mean things she said there about only marrying me 15 years ago because her father approved, she just said I am going through many feelings now. I know I am just looking for some compassion, some hint of feeling. That would make all the anger go away. But I get nothing. I tried the Mr. Nice Guy approach for sometime. The only thing I get in return is hearing her talk with friends and one of my sons about leaving. So my face is probably saying--I hate you for what you did to me and our kids. The anger is draining, but I just wish there was hope... I do have a good therapist, he tells me this can take a year if she is going to come around. I am 4 months in and a year seems like an awful long time. I just miss her closeness...


I know I am supposed to detach. Not engaging in conversation, ignoring her to a certain degree has helped in that regard. She still just goes about her day as if nothing is wrong. No matter if I am Mr. Nice Guy or the Guy who is ignoring her, she has the same demeanor. How can someone just shut off every feeling in their body...

My question is she invited me a few weeks back to a fundraiser thursday(our 15 year wedding anniversary) I don't feel it is right for me to attend. I don't want to appear like this puppy dog waiting for a sign..I just want to take our sons out for the night somewhere. She can be alone on our anniversary.

I do appreciate your prayers.