You know that what she is doing is to be expected. It sounds like you are just tired and a little pi$$ed off. I don't blame you. But, unless you want to give up, you have to deal with it a little longer (maybe a good bit longer).
When we all made the decision to fight this new challenge in our lives, we understood and accepted it would not be easy, it would not be a two way street as our M's were supposed to have been, and that WE would have to be the ones to do most, if not all, of the work for quite a while.
Hope you are just venting, and that's perfectly fine. Just take a deep breath and ask yourself what it is you want and hopefully the answer is what will be the best for you and your family.
Sorry to hear about this weekend. Mine was very bad as well, as my W has already moved out (I think with OM) and came back to get the rest of her stuff on Sat evening. She then said she wants to move forward with divorce... I told her that I had to think about things and this was moving way too quickly...
Anyway, you mentioned a few times that your W noticed some positive changes that you made. Please share the changes that you made -- was it paying her compliments or just noticing her? My W said I was "doing everything right" back in late March, but really hasn't noticed any changes (at least since April). Besides giving your W space, what else have you been doing that would cause her to notice positive changes? I'm hoping to get some ideas... It's more difficult now since my W moved out though... Thanks.
Me:41 W: 36 No Kids
EA&PA: JUL08-OCT08 & MAY09-fwd
W said we may not make it: JAN09 W said she doesn't want R: 5/8/09,6/5/09,7/19/09 Moved out: 7/31/09
Answering your question on what positive changes I have made is almost embarrassing. Like many on here, or at least some, the changes are things that never should have needed changing. I have kept my temper in check, I have not acted out in anger, I have listened with a willingness to learn, I have helped more around the house, I have worked hard at being a better father, I have spent less money without talking to her first, I have acted with kindness and humility, I have had empathy. I could go on, but you get the picture. And I am ashamed I have got myself to this place because I had chances to do this before but didn't think I needed to.
But the WAW says 1) too late and 2) probably not real. Yes it is "script" but that is her reality. So anyway, moving on...
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Answering your question on what positive changes I have made is almost embarrassing. Like many on here, or at least some, the changes are things that never should have needed changing. I have kept my temper in check, I have not acted out in anger, I have listened with a willingness to learn, I have helped more around the house, I have worked hard at being a better father, I have spent less money without talking to her first, I have acted with kindness and humility, I have had empathy. I could go on, but you get the picture. And I am ashamed I have got myself to this place because I had chances to do this before but didn't think I needed to.
Nothing to be ashamed about. I can say the same thing for myself too. These are the same changes I should have been doing all along.
I agree... thanks for sharing... I think my situation was similar... didn't think I needed to do any of those either (but I should've). My temper was okay, but I would always try to talk her into things... for example, if I wanted to go for a bike ride somewhere and she wanted to do something else, I would keep on talking her into it, until she would...very wrong. I learned the hard way to just ask once and respect her position... I didn't take care of the house much either, but I really made changes since January (did dishes, laundry, cleaned, etc). She said I became a "better roommate", not a better "husband". That really hurt, but maybe that's script.
One thing I didn't do is pay attn to her (I took her for granted). I rarely said she looked beautiful or I rarely complimented her on anything (hair, clothes, etc.). I thought it, but never said it... why? Because I was being a jerk I guess... she would compliment me and then I might make one back, but those types of compliments never came across as sincere. Now when I make any of them, she asks why I'm doing it or she just thinks I'm saying it because she's leaving...
Me:41 W: 36 No Kids
EA&PA: JUL08-OCT08 & MAY09-fwd
W said we may not make it: JAN09 W said she doesn't want R: 5/8/09,6/5/09,7/19/09 Moved out: 7/31/09
I was on FB this morning, saw that WAW had tweaked her settings so that she changed her status to "single" and then back again to married. Nice. I deactivated my account - don't really need FB and one less thing for me to be concerned with. Let her do what she wants on there...
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Last night I got home, put on a new pair of jeans (some sweet selvedge Levi 501s I found) and a t-shirt and did some work around the house. Out of the corner of my eye I caught WAW straight up checking me out. Then she commented to me that 1) are those new jeans 2) they make you look skinny 3) they make you look young 4) your butt looks good in them 5) just wear exactly what you have on and you'll pick up chicks left and right.
I just chuckled, said thanks, and went about my evening projects.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
WAW apologized to me last night for her not believing me when I brought up some things regarding S being somewhat aware of what is going on. She doubted me this weekend and got angry when I said he told me something, but yesterday heard something to make her realize I was telling the truth. I said I appreciated her apologizing to me.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
WAW made some comment last night about how she broke me in for my next relationship. I just don't get it - if that is the sort of stuff she is thinking, that I am learned now from my mistakes, why would she not want to take advantage of it rather than just writing it all off and letting someone else reap the benefits?
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
WAW made some comment last night about how she broke me in for my next relationship. I just don't get it - if that is the sort of stuff she is thinking, that I am learned now from my mistakes, why would she not want to take advantage of it rather than just writing it all off and letting someone else reap the benefits?
My W said similar things when she dropped the bomb, but not in a while. I just chose to ignore the comments and chalk them up to the batsh$% crazy talk of the WAS.
She could be testing the water (or you) to see what your reaction will be.
Is your W a strong, independent type (mine is). I have wondered if my W's sense of independence/pride is getting in the way of her being the one to reach out to me first. Your W could be the same way.
