Ok, so I guess I need to journal. I'm really at a loss these days. I miss him so much and yet I am so angry at him as well. My daughter started kinder this morning and it is just one of those days where FAMILY means something and I wish he was in our lives as the husband and dad he once was. He did take my D backpack shopping this weekend and I'm very grateful that she got to spend time with him. He also called this morning to see how her first morning went. Also nice. One strange thing that I am wondering about (and shouldn't since trying to figure out WAS's is impossible), he bought me a wonderful flip video camera when he was out with D. A "graduation" present for me. Well, I thought it was some $50 item, but it turns out it was $200 (which he can't afford right now - but oh well). Purely guilt???? Don't know. My friend (divorced) says it's all guilt, but it didn't seem that way. I'm enjoying the gift at least. I just don't understand how we can be so pleasant to each other, almost happy when we around each other (very infrequently) and yet he is living somewhere else (ok, I know the answer is OW and so why shouldn't he be happy- he has two women that want him). Wish I could speed up time or read his mind. His birthday is coming up and I think I'm going to get him a small, but meaningful present (from me and the girls). I know I should be happy to be in a relatively good holding pattern, but this is so hard. I can't be in a holding pattern forever. Can't live like this.
HIW M 35 H 37 D 5, D 2 Married 1996 Dating 1992 Met 1988 EA/PA started March 2009 Bomb 6/16/2009 Separated 6/23/2009
