Thanks for your reply. I spoke with a DB telephone counselor and she indicated I needed at this point to possibly help him get his bags packed and on his way because his indecision is laziness. Again she reiterated to GAL and truly I am trying my best. She said to leave after work, not say anything and just try to do as many activities without H as I can. Again she said say nothing, no R talk, and if H asks why I am coming and going without saying anything I can just tell him that he has decided to leave me and that I am getting on with my life and that life does not include being/acting like his wife.
The weekends are just so difficult - on Sunday a.m. woke up and H was again laying next to me with tears in his eyes. He started to touch me and I flat out told him his mixed signals (tells me one thing, but is still here and still wants physical touch, etc) are more than I can bear and I cannot take it any longer. He indicated that he had not changed his mind and H said he wanted more than anyone for our marriage to work and for his mind to change but it won't. Again, H absolutely refuses to go to a counselor, H refuses anything I suggest. H says if we weren't able to fix our M on our own no one else will be able to help. H said he is not going to pour out his personal feelings to anyone. H also said that is the one thing he will probably regret the most, not talking to someone but yet refuses to do it. So I again politely asked him to go now but he won't. This weekend H told me he plans to leave at the end of September because now he has a supposed small job at the coop he is going to live at - some type of co-manager. Of course, I had not heard about that, but H claims he told me a couple of months ago; anyway, I did not bring up D. I tried not to get into any conversations but I honestly just feel sick to my stomach. There is no end...
Question, how did each of you handle H's leaving?
I know I need patience and I am trying to have that, plus GAL and still keep myself from throwing up. Just looking at his face makes me so sad, because H still wants to hang out with me as H has basically cut (I mean not communicating at all) with anyone here so I am it. H did mention enjoying the things we had done over the past few months and again reiterated why had I not been so fun before. H also said matter of fact that I am who I am and I am not a passionate person about anything. H indicated that I never jumped on top of him in the early a.m., never snuggled at night and was never intellectually passionate. Ouch!!!
H said the people in Montreal are all those things, H just hopes that he doesn't make a mistake and find he really craves the stability, kindness and love I give. At this point I am positive there must be another woman.
One last question. Isn't almost a reality that we need to be apart at this point. If there is no give and take and H has decided for both of us our M cannot be saved, than there is really nothing I can do, can I? I cannot think of anything so I am going to work on my resume and try and look for a place to live and try with all my might to live in the real world.
Again, I am basically at this point just regurgitating what I've said in the past but your comments really do keep me going...knowing I am not alone accounts for a lot.
I will just really miss H and my heart is broken.
Thanks for listening, Michele
M 42 H 41 M 16 years Togther 22 yrs. Bomb 5/16/09 D papers drawn up not signed to-date
