On the verge of a meltdown.

[harpo]

One forward two back.
W calls me she was pretty upset on the phone.wanted to know if I was going to be able to keep up with the mortgage.she well knows I can't.it is just not possible due to my current sitch with my health.I have been looking into some kind of employment but with my lapse in work and condition it is going to be a battle.

She started to get very agitated and emotional stared crying then yelling then aggressive.she is obviously stressed.she wanted to know why I wouldn't move out.we have been through this numerous times,but I let her know in a kind and gentle way I am not doing it to be hurtful,spiteful or for revenge this is my home.it's not much but it is all we have.the only family I have is 2 hours away.I will not desert my kids and this would put a big strain on visitation.I don't believe I see them enough as it is.and it would be emotional agony for both the kids and myself.we don't need anymore.

then she told me it was going to cost her a $1000.00 for the attorney to file for exclusive rights to the marital home which if she had to go that route it would take away from other things she could do with the money.and there was no guarantee she would win then she would have to move back in anyway.

The kids start school and she wants to have them settled.things at her parents house are starting to get a little uncomfortable.
kids are getting angry they want to be home.I told her they deserve to be home and that this is their home.I told her just move back.she made the choice to leave.she said she doesn't want to give the kids false hope.(like no hope is the better option)
she agreed to get together so we can discuss what are options are
I am just at crossroad and need some advice,this whole situation
just s@cks big time.

On a side note Saturday I brought the kids with me to a Worship and Arts meeting.it is basically focused around scriptures,life as Christians, music,dance and arts.I actually play in the band and the kids love it.when the minister asked if there were anyone that needed prayer,my S8 raised his hand and walked forward.he asked the minister to help him talk to God because he didn't want his mom and Dad to get divorced.I was totally taken back and as hard as I tried to hold back the tears I couldn't. I haven't slept very well since but I just need to get stronger.
any suggestions or wisdom would be greatly appreciated