4. as an aside...and im sure most of us LBS get this. my wife said that everytime me cuddle, she feels "pressured" to have sex. I find that so weird especially since we havent had sex in 5 months and the sex life was sporadic prior to that.
Back when I'd lost sexual attraction to my H, I felt this way as well. We all want physical touch...and all I really wanted were the hugs and cuddles. However, I was always on guard because I didn't want to set off the "launch sequence." It seemed like any time I was at all physically affectionate, H took it as an invitation for sex...made me nutty.
BTW, sometimes women DO just want to cuddle. If you can give us that without proceeding further (in a M that's working of course), then it usually bodes well for sex later. The cuddles fill a different need for me.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Sounds like you are there. It is a bit strange and difficult to comprehend if you are not there. But, it's a place where you still WANT to save your M, but you don't NEED to. You want your family intact, but you understand, and ACCEPT, that there is happiness out there for you even if D happens.
However, I was always on guard because I didn't want to set off the "launch sequence." It seemed like any time I was at all physically affectionate, H took it as an invitation for sex...made me nutty.
understood. but why would my wife be afraid of the launch when it has been so long since we had sex. i would understand if there was a high probability of me trying to get something going, but i didnt bec i knew i would get rejected.
TR Rose T-10 M-6 H-39- W-36- S-4 D-1 Bomb 4/09 Blow up 8/09 1st thread 2nd thread 3rd thread
Sounds like you are there. It is a bit strange and difficult to comprehend if you are not there. But, it's a place where you still WANT to save your M, but you don't NEED to. You want your family intact, but you understand, and ACCEPT, that there is happiness out there for you even if D happens.
BINGO! that is exactly how i feel
TR Rose T-10 M-6 H-39- W-36- S-4 D-1 Bomb 4/09 Blow up 8/09 1st thread 2nd thread 3rd thread
Sounds like you are there. It is a bit strange and difficult to comprehend if you are not there. But, it's a place where you still WANT to save your M, but you don't NEED to. You want your family intact, but you understand, and ACCEPT, that there is happiness out there for you even if D happens.
There is one more part to this:
You also ACCEPT that you have no CONTROL over whether or not the M is saved.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
