How do you wait this out?

[Golfgirl1]

Hey everybody, just wanted to let you know I joined the school softball team! Haven't played in about 11 years, but did okay last night...it was fun! Would never have joined before my h's MLC, would have sat home with him.

[Golfgirl1]

We had a nice conversation today...h talked about work and I just listened. Not a word about me or my job....He didnt't want to get off the phone and neither did I. He'll be over on Monday to do some projects around the house and then we're heading over for a drink. I guess it's kind of like a "date." I remain hopeful.....

[Golfgirl1]

I'm not having a very good day...I miss him so much. It's a Sunday morning and we would be hanging out or going on a motorcycle ride or to a movie and I'm so lonely. I want to call him, text him, e-mail him and I know those are all the wrong things to do. How do you all do it? He needs space, he's confused, last week he missed and loved me, this week he said he shouldn't have left me that message...How do you handle the mixed messages? This is really breaking me.....

[mountain_west]

Not that I'm an expert at this, but I can tell you what helped in my sitch. The saying that you should not listen to any of what they tell you and half of what they do was helpful. Most of what they say changes, depending on their constantly swirling emotions. I made the big mistake of actually believing what my W told me, rather than what she actually did. Even then, though, it was hard to NOT be swayed by every comment of hers, no matter how small. Hang in there. You are stronger than you think.

Random ... I just got a motorcycle yesterday! It's still a little hot, but VERY fun!

[Golfgirl1]

Thanks, fellow Coloradan!! Get that motorcycle up to the mountains! Many beautiful roads up there....unfortunately, difficult for me to think about that now.

You are correct, I can't believe what he says...he's just so lost. I will find my strength again...

[Kimmie Lee]

That's right. You can't listen to him saying he misses you either.

Also, don't have any expectations for your "date." These WAS's will ask you out, but it isn't for anything worthwhile.

Detach if you can.

Have you read Silver Fox's thread? She's handling her sitch beautifully.

[still.struggling]

Hi GG. I have never posted to you before but a mutual friend from the boards sent me a text this morning asking me to check out your thread.

I think with what I have read you have come a long way. You are no longer that lost soul that was here on the first post. I see a stronger person writing with each new post. It is good that you and your husband are getting together. Just remember don't get your hopes up. It takes time. Listen to him and let him take the lead. I think most MLC's cases the person needs to feel in control.

BND is very good at giving advice. I have so much respect for her and all that she has been through. Even though her husband has come home, I am sure it is still hard. You have to learn to be friends again and then work your way to a new and better life.

Let me tell you a little about my situation. Married 16 years when he thru the bomb at me in 2/2005. He had a female "friend" that he denied anything was going on. I did find out that was a lie but it took me 3 years to finally realize it. I guess I shut my eyes to the bad stuff and kept hoping for the good. I stood for almost 4 years. I tried everything. It just wasn't meant to be. When he and first OW stopped being friends (Oh yes, he can't stand her now), I thought that was my chance. But then I found out he left her for a new woman. When I found out about the 2nd OW then I decided I was done. When he and I talked on the phone for 30 minutes and I didn't cry once, I knew it was time to file for divorce. I had given it everything I had. We had an amicable divorce and even used the same lawyer. I wrote up all the paperwork and just had the lawyer file it. The funny thing is we fight more now than we did when we were married or even separated. He is living with his girlfriend and I have met a very special guy I have been seeing now for about 10 months. My divorce was final on June 22, 2009...5 days after my 20th wedding anniversary.

If you are truly sure you want to give your husband a chance then I say go for it. No one can tell you what to do or when to give up. You are the only person who can do that. Hang on for as long as you want. If you decide to let go then that is ok too. You were right when you said you would know when the time to give up was. Until you are ready though, I wouldn't do anything. O think what helped me survive all of this is getting a life of my own. Doing things I wanted to do. With you getting on the softball team, that is a great start. Stay busy because that helps a lot. If you find yourself starting to slip under, think positive. Don't let yourself sit idle too long.

You are doing a great job GG. You will find your strength and become a stronger person than you already are. Stay strong. Good luck today. If things don't work out the way you planned then don't let yourself get upset. It is probably going to be a little awkward for both of you. Keep moving forward though.

[Golfgirl1]

Hi T2SP, How do I find Silver Fox's thread? I can't seem to figure out how to do that?

[Golfgirl1]

T2SP,
Do you have a thread? Would love to read it...

[Golfgirl1]

Yeah our "date" got shortened. He has to leave at 5:30 to head back to work. Do I believe that or is the OW wanting him to do something more fun than hang out with me?