What does he want?

[cantbreathe]

I completely failed at any dbing this weekend. We talked and fought all weekend because I found out about a lie. I pushed too hard and heard things I really didn't want to hear, like I'm not sure if i'm in love with you anymore and He doesn't like talking to me. Both things were said when i kept pushing for answers until he exploded. I know I have promised myself i would stop but I felt so desperate and crazy. I don't know if he means them or not.

I know I am suffocating him. After he left for softball I reread the 180, MLC, LRT. I left him be for the rest of the day. It hurt when he wouldn't kiss me goodbye. That has been one things that was a constant. I decided to apologize for losing it as the DR says. I told him "I'm sorry about this morning, i should have left it alone. Please know I don't want you to leave and I want to try to make this work. You know it's hard for me, but I will give you space." Then I left the room.

I kissed him goodnight later and he kissed me back and goodbye this morning. At least that step back seems to be recovered.

It is so hard to step back and distance with no answers. He never brings anything up unless I ask or push, so in a way it's my own fault I have heard some of these things. He has still not said he wants to leave, only when pushed he will say either I don't know or sometimes I think about it.

It means more that he's still here than his words right?

He asked me why I stayed with him yesterday when it's his not talking is so frustrating for me. So I told him why I love him.

I am unsure of my next step. I know I must distance and give him space, but i do want him to feel loved.