This is my first post here but I really see some good advice and support so I want to throw my story in.
My wife and I have been married for 12 years. We have loved and adored each other and been the best of friends and lovers that one could hope for. No cheating ever and we have always had respect for one another's feelings to not cause any jealousy. We have been through a lot in our marriage (external to our relationship) and these things have alway brought us closer. The only issue we have ever had is my over the years I have not helped near as much as I should have with the kids (twin 11 yr old boys and a 2 yr old girl) and the housework. We have been equal as far as income goes our entire marriage and actual worked together for the majority of it, as we are both active duty military (I was until a couple of months ago and was medically retired for back problems). Anyway, as a result of my back problems the last two years have been tough for me emotionally as I had become very insecure about many things, including her love for me. Not to mention being jealous and controlling. She has NEVER given me a reason to doubt her in this area and has been the best wife an mother that one could ask for.
Well, about 3 months ago we had a long talk and she said that she has not been happy for the last several years and that my behavior has taken a toll on her. I explained to her that she was right and that I really needed to change and was truly willing to. I admit that I have been very selfish during our relationship and that she treated me WAY better than I deserved. The next month or so was rough and while I thought we were making some progress she dropped the bomb on me on 7/6/09. She was adimate that it has nothing to do with any other man or men but she is tired of being controlled and is afraid of any changes I make will not be permanent. Also, that she can handle the kids, house and her career all by herself. In the meantime, I explained to her that I realized that I have taken her and our family for granted and that the changes that I need to make will not occur overnight, but I am willing to make it work no matter what.
I am still living at home since 7/6 and we were sleeping in the same bed and being intimate on an almost daily basis until a few days ago. SHe has broken down several times a few weeks back professing her enternal love for me and the like. I realize that I have made all the mistakes of begging, pleading and trying to rationalize to no avail.
She has really put up a wall over the last week or so and I am quite sure she is having an EA or at least getting coaching from someone. She filed papers this past Friday and we have agreed on everything so it should be finalized in about 90 days. I have been in constant contact with a member from another forum that has really helped me out a lot and stated that she is using all of her negative emotions and resentment to push through this and I should just move and go to LC and for seeing the kids only.
The other night she threw up to me that I am beeing selfish because I have been spending a lot more time with the kids and that she will have to pick up the pieces when I am gone. This really hurt but she apologized the next day.
I am really desperate but have given her total space the last few days while still being civil. She has brought up on several occasisions that she does not care if I am with other girls so I take this as a sign that she plans on moving on quickly (even though her original reasons for wanting the divorce had nothing to do with this).
It is just so hard for me that the woman that I love more than anything in the world can do this. I admit that I have made many mistakes and am going to change myself regardless of the outcome. It just seems like everything is moving so fast now and she has no regrets or remorse despite the fact I can tell she is bothered when I agree with her and act as if I am fine with the whole thing.
