It’s clear to me now that my detachment is becoming more and more of a withdrawal.
Why? Is it true withdrawal or is it just you doubting your feelings for your W and the M? The latter is normal.
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she would close herself in “Her” room (she openly refers to this as “her” room now…she had been calling it the extra bedroom for a while).
Yep, mine still does this. Mine goes back and forth - sometimes referring to her room as the guest room and sometimes calling it her room. Don't sweat this, but I understand how it makes you feel.
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Saturday, she made a nice family dinner. We got a movie to watch together as a family. There was a little air of old times in the air as I ran to the store to get a couple of last minute dinner items and she was cooking in the kitchen. Just after dinner though, she got weird and went upstairs (took a bath, locked herself in “her” room again).
This is normal too. Maybe she's just taking small steps to get comfrotable around you. Maybe the roller coaster went back down during the movie. Who knows. Just stay the course. Gonna be a lot of ups and downs.
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Later that night she came to me when S wasn’t around. It was clear something was bothering her and she wanted to talk. Our son came over and I played with him since I really didn’t want to get into THAT conversation again. I made sure to keep clear of her for the rest of the night. I REALLY didn’t want to have that conversation again. She had been drinking (again) and locked in her room after having family time. It was like the perfect storm. I successfully avoided it.
Good job here.
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I got sick last night. This is all getting too much for me. This is the longest that we have gone in separate rooms, no ring etc (6 weeks this time) and it seems like it will never end.
What is it? Fatigue? I know it's emotionalliy draining - worse than my father's unexpected death in 2003. But, you have a choice - quit or keep fighting. You CAN do this.
Hows you detaching coming? I hear a lot of signs of you not being there yet. That's ok. Just recognize it and get back to work.
