For what it's worth, I firmly believe that my xW's deep-seated insecurities have been a major contributing factor in all of her character flaws, including those that led her to cheat on me.
Still, I do understand how a man can feel less unsure of himself because of events in his job/career. Men place far too much of their self-worth in their profession. It can deeply affect how they perceive how much respect they garner from family and friends. You, as his W, can have more influence on this than any other human being, for good or bad. I am sure you know this, and I also know how much of a burden this also places on you.
As if you don't already have enough on your plate, right? But that's what spouses do for each other, support one another wherever necessary, as partners. Ideally this should be balanced, but it often teeters from one spouse to another as each incident and stressor occurs.
Believe me it is no fun to be away from one's homestead for long periods of time. Perhaps, because you handle things so well in his absence, your H might feel he is becoming superfluous to the needs of his family? I am sure he wants reassurance that he is indeed still wanted and needed. I can certainly understand that, if so.
I could never convince my now xW that I still wanted and needed her. Her insecurities again. Even in the best of times, she always doubted me, at least a little -- in that she was undoubtedly a far tougher nut to crack than most of these troublesome spouses we hear of here in the DB forums.
Nc~ You are so right!... I do think that he thinks I don't "need" him . that's not true, I do need him, but not to feel secure about myself, to just be there as a H and a father, and I need for him to be there for me "emotionally" which we all know he hasn't been the greatest on that end.
I do know it is hard for him to be away, and of course its harder for him that for me, he's the one who is by himself without the kids. He needs me more physically than emotionally.. so I do try to keep it interesting for him (pics etc..).. when he does come home he wants me all the time, and that's fine, at least I know that he is waiting till he does come home. I have been reassuring him more often, and im just being more aware of it.
WDID... that's just it, he doesn't think we have any problems. He just wants me to be more interested in Sex more often. So That I have been working on.. and also the fact that I am not rejecting him. Im the one who is struggling more than him. But im not going anywhere..
The kids are great.. of course they do drive me nuts, but I love them just the same...
Journaling...
So I am going to H's cousin house today. I haven't spoken to her in about 6 years. Here H is a jerk. Always was. My H and him had a falling out and we just never talked again, but then I found out he cheated on her and they were seperated, I was so upset, I couldn't believe it. So I wrote her a card and sent it and just told her if she needed anything that I was here and that although we haven't spoken in a long time, I was very upset to hear such and thing and hoped it was a rumor. Come to find out it wasn't. She called and we talked and she wanted to get together. So It will be an interesting day.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Haven't been on alot... busy and just tired overall.
H hardley has been working so right now the stress level is high. The kids though are enjoying him being home, me however is ready to pull my hair out.
I seriously don't think that I will ever be able to keep this man happy. I just can't do enough for him really. He has been home for 3wks and hasn't worked. So i was hoping that he would help me out a bit with stuff.. nope. I actually got really angry with him the other day, I had gone food shopping and he was on the couch. First off I would normally be alone and be taking the packages in myself, but this time I said no way... I told him to get off his behind and bring them in. He did it begrungdely (sp??).
I know he's upset about there being no work, we haven't see it so bad, but he doesn't stop with the complaining about what he isn't getting from me. UGGGGGG....
I really have been asking myself what am I doing here?? I am used to him not being here, and used to being alone, and now I think all that time everything is backfiring because he is trying to dictate how I do things etc, and I am really getting mad about it.
ok enough.. Just had to get that out. Hopefully work will come in...
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
TAL, I'm so sorry to hear things are deteriorating more than improving. Wish I had words of wisdom for you, just know that I'm thinking of you and those two little lights of your life.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
