I think this may be a long post Apologies in advance.
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Can't get it out of my head that H is with OW this weekend, no matter how much I try.
You've got to I'm afraid. The only person you hurt by obsessing is yourself. Do you think it has any effect on them? Michelle describes the stop sign thing. Whenever thoughts like that creep into your mind you envisage a huge red stop sign and switch your brain to something else. Give it time, it works.
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already know that I am going to dress to kill
GOod plan but make sure you are not ott. Be nonchalant - 'Oh this old thing?' Knowing you look sexy as
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If he wants to talk about R, do I go along with it or just answer his question and divert the conversation??
Listen but do not really engage, as in do not react. Never disagree openly, it only reinforces their view. Read up on validating and active listening. Sanderika was spot on with her advice to you.
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It's that tramp that is shaking my world right now - without her around, I truly believe that I would have more chance to win H around... how can I compete
Admittedly she is an issue, but don't give her such importance in your thoughts. There is not competition, don't even make it one. You know that you are fabulous, that is all you need to know. Self- assurance (but not arrogance) is a very attractive trait.
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Started reading 5 Love Languages last night and although some of the messages are good, I don't like the style in which the author has written.
I know what you mean but the ideas are good. For example, it showed me that my h still shows me love as he buys me presents and gives me things still. I realised that this is his love language. Mine it quality time and I was feeling unloved as this need was not being met. It helped me a lot to realise this.
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I just wish that I could find some positive affirmations from him
It is too early for that. It will come in time.
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He's giving off so many signals and all I see is his determination to do what he wants to do.
I'll tell you this now, the thing that finally started bringing me and my h closer together was selling our house. THat was when we started communicating as I was no longer 'fighting' him. I have to admit it was the best thing I could have done. I was cut off in my old house with all the memories brewing with no real access to anywhere. Now I am in a cottage in London with access to everything and happier memories. I don't recommend it as a strategy but I just thought I would tell you that it is not the end of the world.
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I have put away my 'personal' bits'n'bobs - he complained a few weeks ago that our home was all about me and displayed none of him
He moved out, what does he expect?
So, when he comes round next week I don't think you can plan for every eventuality of what he may say but you can decide to adopt some general rules that you will follow.
- Be calm - Do not react - You don't have to answer everything straight away. It is fine to say you will think about something. - Have a positive attitude and show happiness and calm. - Do not be needy. - Think before you speak - Listen
You spend a lot of time thinking about what he is thinking and doing and coming up with scenarios. Start thinking about you and what you will be doing. Your situation at thome means you have a lot of time to dwell. That isn't good. As your c said, start to GAL and focus on that. It's early days but it will do you so much good.
Apologies in advance.
