My H and I lived through that bristling anger phase for months. If I knew then what I knew now...
Don`t do ANYTHING in anger. What ever vindictive things you do to her will bite you back with the same ferocity.
Don`t JUDGE her when you`re angry. Anger brings out the most hateful parts in us-masks the good bits.
Do wonder why you sink into anger so quickly. Habits of a lifetime, family of origin stuff, don`t blame your W for it.
Get a really good therapist asap to help you with YOU and YOUR issues.(we all have them-and this is a good time to learn)
Don`t confront her. Don`t even wonder about her if you can help it. Stack up a load of fun things for you do get to each week and just do `em. Stuff that`ll keep you from smouldering about her.Stuff that can change your mood, give you a buzz about life.
The stuff I did then in my angry phase that I`d like to take back? -talked to too many people. that`s still biting me in the butt to this day -looked woeful -blamed H for everything-utterly blind to my part in our downfall -got to the point of feeling suicidal -limped through my working day -wasn`t as there for the kids as I should have been. Anger drains you.
Stop blaming W.You`re a big boy now and you can mind yourself so just go do that.It`s self care ALL THE WAY for us dbers
-Sleep, lots.Try not to take pills though.I even take the car to parking lot to listen to a meditation tape and just sleep! -Look the very best you can. Clothes, gym,whatever it takes -Exercise is great anyway-get outdoors if poss. great to escape the four walls. -Eat properly. -yoga, prayer,mediatate-whatever gets you calm. -Read all the self help books you can. Spend time in the bookstore browsing and usually the ones you need will just jump out at you. I`ve found Louse Hay`s meditation tapes good too.
Have some strategies to get out of W`s way if you feel she`s trying to get you into angry mode(my H fed off my anger).I took xanax(briefly) to keep me calm.After that-knowing what calm felt like-I used natural ways to get me there.
Your face can give away a lot so try to cultivate a bland expression.
Be ready to listen if she corners you but don`t respond in anger. Something like"I never saw it that way""Ok, I`ll think about that one" is not agreeing with her but shows you`re listening.
Then move on with your fun goals.No slamming doors etc.
Yeah, its tough on the kids. Try and make this a time of happy memories too though. So do things with them that they`ll love and remember.
I`ve already told DS14 that "Dad is going through a tricky time right now but you know we both love you very much" Don`t bitch about W to your son.
