Hi msMelancholy, thanks for your relply. And you are NOT hijacking my thread...not at all.
Yes, my D is in Milwaukee and I will be flying in on the day before. I am a bit nervous...obviously...
I'm so glad you told me about being asked questions. I have been trying to get an answer about that for a long time. I could just not show up, but somehow, I just have to.......for me.
I may tear up when asked if I think my marriage is irrevocably broken.....bc no, I don't think my M is irrevocably broken......and then again, reality is ......... "yes I do. Bc you cannot have a marriage with just one person." Can I say that? I mean it doesn't really matter if I say yes or no...this D is going thru...so what is the point of that question?
As far as dating after...right now, I don't care. Really, if I was not thinking of how this will affect us in the long run, my family and his...........I would be so much more agressive and just say, "fine....u dont want me....ok...go" I have more pride in myself than to beg you to stay or to have you stay at all or at any costs!
But alas, life is complex. I am treding very cautiously and carefully. I have brought this man into my life and my family's life. Its complicated. My foremost belief in life is that you have to work for what you want. This one is tough...cuz both of you have to work for what you want....and you have to continuously want the same things.
I know I have lost this round, this battle in life ....but, lets see about the war. Life is full of many things...marriage is just one of them. Its funny really bc the last time I spoke to him he said he was looking forward to seeing me....and I said "Really?" (Its been awhile since he has been excited to see me), but the sad thought was......I am not looking forward to seeing HIM. I don't know why, but I think I can almost escape the cruelty of it........down here........by myself. Its hard on the days I speak with family...cuz I realize I won't have that....but, most of the time I am working and in another world.
SIGH!! I know I will be fine. Just need to work at getting a plan for emotional stability for that weekend. My friend is picking me up at the airport and I will spend the day just shopping and doing not much...at 5 or so she will pick me up again and take me to her home.....for dinner and drinks....and then drop me off again to my hotel. H comes the next day, I think and that is the D day....so I just have to make it thru that morning....by 1pm, I should officially be divorced! Done! In a way I will be relieved...its been this nagging thing over my head for the past 4 months...this thing I have been fearing!
I will work on my sexy business look tomorrow! Thanks for so much support, MsMelancholy and MJ and all of you who have been there for me, these last 4 months.
