Need Advice, WAW wants to give it a month

[Deep]

Hi Trrose. Wow, this thread moved fast! I was reading up to around post #5 maybe yesterday and it's on page 5 now .

I don't think the lack of sexual interest is necessarily indicative of an A, although it certainly COULD be. I went through the same thing in the earlier stages of my M troubles (before the appearance of OM). A lot of what you, AAK and SD posted sounds so familiar. My W told me of her frustration, that she wanted to be married to a grown man for starters, one who took an equal share in the family responsibilites, providing security and purpose. It's not the point whether she was justified feeling this way, it was the way she FELT.

In fact, it was only when OM started entering the picture that our sex life went majorly off the scale. I had trouble going to work sometimes due to the frequency and intensity. (As a man of course, it's a devilish hurdle to get over later thinking your W was screwing your brains out due to some other guy). I would suggest that any sudden changes in her sex interest warrants some thinking about.

She has possibly lost respect for and "connection" with you. It would help explain how history can be re-written in her own mind, and also how she finds it hard to contemplate being intimate with you. Being men, it's natural for us to think that we should be having more sex to find that closeness back.

For myself, after the A officially stopped (but W was still in WAW and wanting OM mode). I insisted on doing stuff to try and re-kindle the spark - the same one she felt we lost long ago and might never get back. I planned trips away for just the 2 of us on anniversaries and birthdays, recruited family to take care of the kids, dated her at least once a week. Don't get me wrong - it ws hellishly difficult, and I alternated between that and detaching when I felt I had to. It was also immensely frustrating to hear her say time and time again that it wasn't working, how she feels nothing when we kiss, how pressurised she feels when we DO kiss since she knows I'm trying to get that spark back for us.

But one day, somehow, a switch flipped somewhere. I'm not saying it'll work for everyone, but far into our healing efforts, when W was feeling in love with me again, she did thank me for forcing her to spend time together, and to try to put together time and circumstances for intimacy. It was very awkward for a long period, but looking back, she felt it really helped me find her way back.

Needless to say, your W's state of mind now makes her vulnerable to predators even if there is no OM currently ...