they re-write history because if they don't...then how to they reconcile leaving a good husband/father/lover? they have to turn you into the devil to justify their actions...don't pay it any attention.
She has beaten up on me and blamed me for everything all along. I am not willing to take any more of this abuse. This time since I won't be looking for her, it will end. I have blocked her emails addresses from mine, blocked her number from my cell phone and I have no desire to try and talk to her after all she put me through to turn around and write it as if it was my fault because I was depressed and under employed. She calls that breaking the wedding vows first.
She is childishly stubborn and unforgiving. She wears guilt and anger one of them over each eye and I believe she always will.
It's my history too and I was a loving and attentive husband. I became frantic about being and "earner" so that I could have a family but with no education or qualification and the economy the way it was through our entire marriage, I didn't have it easy and I just got more and more depressed which is something she knew about before she married me. I have always battled depression. But she walked away not me.
She left me a voice mail today asking me to call her and talk if I am "ready" but if I am not to at least let her know. I emailed her that I can't talk.
You asked about hobbies? I just spent a couple hours on my CB radio skip shooting. (Ha Ha sound like a hillbilly?)
i've read most of your threads, because i found a lot in common with you. just so you know, my wife was a WAW. she moved into her own apartment in nov 08. she took my two kids, lawyer'd up, started having multiple EAs. i've started a new account on these boards for my own reasons, but i share a history common to many people here, including you. i even recall you giving me advice on my old posts under your old name.
like you, i am co-dependent. i'm better now than i used to be, and i think you are too, but it's there in our souls. i don't consider it such a fatal flaw as some would say on these boards, but it allows others to take advantage of people like us, sometimes when we are most vunerable. i can hear the pain in your posts, and it brings back memories of when my wife left me, and i really feel for you. i understand how hurt you are, and how bitter you feel, and how you wish you could just smack your wife upside the head and say, "can't you see what you are doing? can't you just logically work this out and see what you are doing is a mistake? why can't you SEE?"
trust me, i understand.
you need to step back and stop responding to your wife's demands. you need to stop living your life for your wife - and believe me, i know how hard this is. you need to find out who YOU are again without your wife, without your marriage, without relationship talk, without the pain, without the saddness. more than anything, you need to give your wife time. she is going to throw everything at you including the kitchen sink. she probably already has, or she will. she is going to tell you what an @sshole you are. what a liar and untrustworthy person you are. she is going to tell you she can never trust you again. she is going to tell you that she can never love you again, and that she never loved you in the first place.
just filter the noise out. it's expected. it's textbook.
let her say her peace. in fact, let her say it to herself. you see, one of these days, she is going to have her epiphony. i can't promise you it will be tomorrow, the next month, the next year, or a decade from now, but it will happen. she is going to let go of all that anger, because she will have to deal with the guilt and saddness that is bottled up inside her that she is refusing to acknowledge right now. and then she will start questioning herself. but this cannot happen when you are meeting her demands at this time and being at her beck and call. i think what you are doing is right. detach detach detach. i have no idea what CB radio skip shooting is, but i applaud you for doing it. just get on getting on. don't try and game your wife and ask yourself when is she going to come to her senses. forget about that. it's out of your control.
just get on getting on...
i know it is so much easier said than done. i know how empty you feel, how you long for that connection with your wife again. you just want her back, and if she would just give you a chance, you could show her how different things can be. i know. forget it. put it on the backburner and forget about it. there will be a time and place for that, but it's not today and it's not here. give your wife one last gift. give her the time she needs to sort this out. man up and acknowledge that the decision she makes may not be the one you want today, but it will be one that you can live with. i can't promise she will come back to you, but i know she needs time to sort this out. you need to filter her noise out, and you need to force her to filter out YOUR noise, becuase everything you are doing is also noise at this point that she is not listening to. she needs to be able to examine her own life by herself and really come to realizations herself. your noise is impeding that process.
stop worrying about who needs to forgive who, and who did what, and who is to blame for this or that. stop the accounting of your marriage and the mistakes. they'll be plenty of time for that later. just get on the CB and do your thing...
in case you are interested in how things worked out for me: my wife hit rock bottom 1 month after she moved out. she hit rock bottom when i started moving on. when she surprised me one day with the statements, "i am sorry, i want to work it out..." i was speechless not because of joy, but because i honestly didn't know how to respond and if i was ready to take her back. we are married today, stronger than before. i can't say it's perfect, but it's better and we're both committed to our marriage.
