I had a rule for myself last time. Never take energy from the R. Only put it in.
I guess, short-term that's true, but I think in a healthy marriage, it should be give and take, b/c sometimes one needs more than the other. You help give energy to your W and the M, and then sometimes she gives it to you. But I agree it's a good thing to try to do when you are able.
You have plenty of info for the 180s. You showed your emotions; she knows how you feel. I think that's fine, but no more in future if you can help it. You can and will do this, and I hope you will continue to do this long-term. You shouldn't get into R talk but if your W brings up her apparent guilt over your making these changes, you should tell her that they are permanent changes you need to make for you and your family, but generally just do the changes and keep them up.
