It was a rough nite sleeping. I kept waking up in cold sweat shaking. I kept dreaming of confronting her as she remained defiant like she was when I confronted her. No remorse. No regret. Just - I told you I want a divorce
I want to punish her but know she will be doing that herself living the path she has chosen. I know I need to stay the high road and not drop into the sewers that she is in. I want to yell and scream at her to make sure she knows what she has done and is doing. Destroying all that she had claimed to love and cherish
I do not want to see her tonite. It is making me sick
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
I said goodbye to my boys and stayed with his wife in the kitchen as he walked them to her car. She sounded so upbeat and happy it made me sick
Now I'm about to head back to NY for work
I'm really mad
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
My 7 year old called while I was driving to NY. I almost didn't answer as I thoufht it was hus mother since it was an hour past his bedtime. I also was talking with Stronger at that time, but she suggested I answer. I was glad I did since it was my 7 year old asking if he could gave some one on one time with his mom on Sun. I said if that was what he wanted, ok. I asked what was wrong. He said he was getting frustrated with his little brother constantly following him around when he wanted to talk to mommy. I said that I was sorry to her that but I did understand.
He then said mommy wanted to talk to me. He asked about something tactical with the kids. I gave her my answer and hung up.
I'm really annoyed and disgusted with the entire situation
The vacation was suppose to help me recharge. I think all it did was allow me to avoid some reality until now.
I am tired of all the crap
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Last nite was really hard for me. Not sure why but my head was really swimming with stuff.
It was hard to deal with the wide swings of emotions. I talked to my friends. First I talked the married couple, they came to help with the transition, who had each divorced their first spouses who believe that people should ultimately do what makes them happy. They believe that is what's best for the kids long term to have a couple be happily married. I got upset with them as I never said I wanted it to be unhappy, it's just that I expect that we would work on it to make it happy for both of us. Not have her start cheating on me with other guys. There is no justification to that. No matter what I've done wrong, there is no rational to doing something like that as well as how she had tortured me over the past 7 months.
When I did finally hit the road, I spent about an hour talking to Stronger, which helped. But I still haven't seen any remorse or regrets to what she has done. I'm sure people will remind me that I can't control how she feels or what she does or thinks so I can't beat myself up on it. But this is where the disgust and anger comes in. The person that is doing all these things is not the person I married. Maybe that person is still in there somewhere, but she is acting so selfish. Some people are saying that it's coming, but right now I do not know what to believe.
Crazy part of it is even if she did show remorse/regret, I'm not sure if I would believe her. All I do know is that I'm not going to put my life on hold waiting for something that I don't see happening.
I talked to my cousin out in CO till about 1:30 AM as I couldn't sleep and everything was still churning inside me.
What I do know is that next week, for the transition, my goal is to get my head on right so I can do it without needing my friends to do it for me. I'm not sure what type of attitude I should show her. Crazy part of it was last nite, she brought the Sunday paper over again. I didn't even look at it and just threw it out.
I think she believes that I'm in throwing a tantrum right now and it will just blow over and we will be "friends" again. I feel like I need to make a strong move to keep her on her toes. Question is what? Do I have my lawyer call her lawyer up? Do I ask her why she cheated on me? Or what?????
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Sorry I couldn't meet up with you or Tomato on my trip back to NY. The timing was just all off. I even wound up staying over a night on Sunday in Maryland because I just couldn't drive any more.
I can only advise you right now, when you don't know what to do, to not "do" something. Do make your L aware of the sitch, but don't make any decisions while your head and heart are swimming with emotions.
I can understand the disgust. I can understand the hurt and resentment. Be gentle with yourself right now.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
The part of my anger and disgust is that I had told her that I truly felt that our marriage was not given a true chance. She had said that she had been trying over the last 2 years. Now's it's all BS as she's been cheating for at least the last 2 years. How the heck is that trying!?!?!
I'm just so mad, hurt and upset right now. I think her being so happy and cherry and upbeat last nite really is bugging me. I would love to blow up the picture she had painted to all her friends and family as being the victim with the halo over her head as she escaped an ogre of a husband. I'm not going to as this really does not benefit me now
I do know what I want relative to custody. I know she is expecting me to go for primary custody and I'm sure her lawyer said that will not likely happen. It's really hurting me what she is doing is going to impact the boys. I have to stay focused as they are what's important......
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Not have her start cheating on me with other guys. There is no justification to that. No matter what I've done wrong, there is no rational to doing something like that as well as how she had tortured me over the past 7 months.
Maybe that person is still in there somewhere, but she is acting so selfish..
Do I ask her why she cheated on me?
Sandi says that WAS's are probably the rudest, most selfish, self-centered people on this planet! You are right...NOTHING justifies what she's done!
No...DO NOT ask her why she did this! We already know there is NO JUSTIFICATION to do something like that...so why would you want to hear some BS answer from her?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
There is no justification for the cheating and it was complete dishonesty to say she tried. She lied and cheated and her halo is dented.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
