H is being weird. Not sure exactly what is going on. He does have a family member, a cousin, that is slowly dying of cancer. I know that is impacting him, very deeply.
OW is leaving town this week and I know he's relieved but I also believe he maybe sad a little bit too. Lately I know he's been wanting to prove to himself or have her prove that meant something, that he wasn't just a joke.
On Friday, there was a going away party for ex OW and another male coworker. He went but was on the fence about going at all. I told him "I have no idea what to tell you. I don't know if you should go or not." He said he would go because he "has to prove to all those people no one got the best of me." Keep in mind ex OW's fiance was there. He came home later Friday night and I asked "How did it go?" He said "Ok, sort of blah." I said "OK." He then rolled over and said "I am just a joke." I was mad at him for feeling that way about himself because for the last 9 months I've been working my ass off for all of this and he thinks of himself as a joke? I told him "what do you think of me?" He asked me to explain the question. I said "What do you think of me? What kind of a woman am I? How do you see me?" He gave me a slew of compliments including beautiful and strong. I asked him "Do you think I'm a good judge of character?" He smiled and said "Normally....some of your friends are weird." (Joking). I said "Great. If you think so highly of me, think of things this way.....for the last 9 months I have fought for this relationship, for this family. For 7 plus of those months, I've been doing it alone. Do you think I would have fought this hard for a 'joke'? I resent the fact you think I would fight for a joke."
I think that may have settled in. But really, who the hell knows?
It's a strange thing to watch someone go crazy. It's a strange thing to go with them.
