"I'm not expecting thank you's but something other than her windows have water marks would be nice."\
Give an example of what "would be nice" in your opinion....given the situation. Then, we can tell if you really are expecting too much. Under normal circumstances, what would have been her reaction to you detailing her vehicle?
I don't think a simple "thank you" is expecting too much from a normal person, but do you think your W is acting normal? WAS's are probably the rudest, most self-centered people on planet earth. Even depression can be a form of being self-centered b/c that person has their attention on themselves instead of others. (I'm not talking about clinical depression--which is a more serious problem.) You said your W had been depressed for quite a while, so I think a lot of things she would normally say is either forgotten or somehow falls by the way-side. If the reason she's not at least saying "thanks", that means she either takes what you do for granted or else she does not appreciate you and show her appreciation as she should. I am probably the world's worst at telling the ones closest to me how much I appreciate them b/c it's like I think they "should know it" without me telling them. That sounds somthing like a guy would do, doesn't it? (lol) Just shows that gender has nothing to do with it.
You are much more sensitive to what she says and doesn't b/c of the stitch and b/c you are not detached. When you detach, it will not matter if she says anything.
I am concerned about the ever growing problem of not communicating and becoming more & more distant with each other. If she is deeply depressed then it is a sign she is withdrawing and retreating into a shell. Do you see her acting "normal" with other people? Is it just you that she has nothing to say? Does she show interest in activities? I know you said she enjoyed planning events....so does that still tend to bring out the best in her? The reason I am asking these questions is hoping it will help you decide how much is related to a form of depression and how much is related to a bad MR. I know I was not happy in my M and that caused me to be depressed, but if you knew 100% that she was suffering only from depression due to other events happening in life....it would make a difference how you responded to her. So, I hope that the retreat will help to sort these things out better for you. I have not pointed that out b/c I did not want to add to your confusion about what to do, but I am concerned about her depression. If she is lacking certain hormones, then she will not have a desire to ML....or do much of anything else in the M. I don't mean to imply that all women who aren't attracted to their H's are lacking in hormones, but neither did I realize how large a part they affected one's life until I found a doctor who FINALLY saw I was registering about zero on the charts and begin to get me the medicine I needed. It helped with the depression, energy level, sex desire, and yes....even the attraction. You may come back tomorrow and tell us that you discovered she has OM and in an A, but sometimes I feel that we are too quick to think the worst. I left my H (for a short time) early in our M--and I certainly had no OM on my mind! There are other things...believe it or not. I was just so unhappy and saying much of what your W is telling you. The danger for her is that it makes her very vulnerable to and some other man. Isn't it getting about time for your retreat?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
