Mother's Day Disaster

[ACJ]

Perhaps, they need a few "sorry, I have too much to do's" back at 'em

You know BM you are right. A few days ago I got invited on a mini cruise to Bruges over the bank holiday weekend (next week). So for the first time in a very long time I put myself first and said yes. I'm really looking forward to it.

[ACJ]

Psychologically I feel like recent events have set me back two years. I can't stop crying involuntarily and it is so long since I last did that. I'm hoping it's because the actual D is nearing and not b/c of my recent encounter with dating. If it is the latter and this is the level of anxiety it causes me how am I ever going to be able to have a long term R ever again?

[BeingMe]

I can't stop crying involuntarily and it is so long since I last did that.

This is a hard one to figure out, ACJ. Perhaps, it's everything together --- the positives and the negatives. You've just completed your PhD which is a high, then there's the OW's baby = downer, then dating = semi-high, the impending divorce = down, S17 breaking his date with you, and so it goes on. I think that time out next weekend will do you good.

Take care.

[ACJ]

I think that time out next weekend will do you good

I sure hope so cos I really am on the brink here. It's the complete silence more than anything that's getting to me. I hate it. For someone who loves to talk it's torture. I stopped believing a long time ago that God has a hand in any of this but I am left wondering what lesson I am supposed to be learning from all of this. All I feel is punished and I've done nothing to be punished for.

[kat727]

Perhaps it is simply teaching you that you are ok all by yourself. You don't need a crutch you are highly capable on your own. Everyone is dealing with this new development and are caught up in their own feelings. So now, it is time for you to take care of you. Get yourself to where you are good again and then when the kids can sense that, I believe they will be there asking you what to do!

Hugs, kat

[ACJ]

Perhaps it is simply teaching you that you are ok all by yourself

You know what Kat I think I reached that ephinany some time last night but thank you for reinforcing that message.

Get yourself to where you are good again

This is exactly what I intend to do. As a start I sat down and wrote goodbye letters to all of Hs family last night. I was going to write them a few weeks ago when I found out OW was pregnant but at the time realised it might only be a knee jerk reaction. After much contemplation it is not that. I really do need to sever all ties in order to be able to move forward with this. In most of them I expressed my heartfelt love thanks for all the many happy memories they had provided me with and all all the support they originally gave me when this nightmare first began. I made sure to tell them that I will still emcourage the kids to see them all but as they are now old enough to make this decision for themselves I have to do what is right for me. The letter to my MIL was a little different to all the rest. She has shown me little empathyover all of this, unlike her sisters, and so it would have been hypocritical of me to write the same letter to her that I wrote to everyone else. However I did remain polite and courteous and wished her a long and happy life. In hers I said that I hoped someday God would forgive H for what he has done. I didn't put that I have forgiven him b/c that would be a lie and I'm not sure I will ever be able to.

In addition now that I've worked out for myself why I've bben so miserable since my bad experience of dating again I can deal with those issues and move on.

Bet you are all beginning to think I'm manic depressive (I have often wondered myself)

[kat727]

Just checking in to see how you are.

kat

[ACJ]

Doing much better thanks Kat.

I went out with a different social networking group to usual last night had a lovely time. I have tried them before and didn't enjoy the events but I have been so lonely recently and then I realised I still had a subscription to this second group so I thought I'd give them a second chance. We had a lovely meal and it was great company.

Two more sleeps until Bruges

[kat727]

Glad to hear that you enjoyed your time out. In someways I think these events are kind of like some of the self help books we read...we just weren't ready for them the first time. Then we give it a second look and we can be happily surprised.

Keep your spirts up! kat

[missmyfriend]

[quote]I stopped believing a long time ago that God has a hand in any of this but I am left wondering what lesson I am supposed to be learning from all of this. All I feel is punished and I've done nothing to be punished for.

ACJ, I hope you don't mind me sharing something about this. IMO, God doesn't bring harm to anyone to teach them any lesson but uses situations that others cause (in this case, your H) and God will use these situations to help us learn and hold us up. Case in point, you and others here and close family and friends at home have been there for me while I am going through my own issues.

I know God is not responsible for what has happened. I know it is the selfishness of others that have caused this pain and continue to inflict damage. I believe that He has been by my side and many times, carrying me. I believe this because I have been utterly lost and felt without hope. And somehow He has gotten me through. I have seen, what I believe, are little messages He has sent to me to encourage me. Too many coincidences seem to pile up to ignore.

For me, I think what God is trying to do in my sitch is to rely on Him completely. I am trying but it is hard for a person like me who likes to be in charge of himself.

In the long term, ACJ, your kids will know who was there for them. Hopefully they will not be too harsh on their father and will instead focus on the mom you have been for them. For now, it is hard to see this but I believe it will happen.