Hi everyone, sorry haven't been able to come online as our internet has decided to go down, very frustrating, so here I am at work.
Well very interesting day yesterday.
After H finished washing car, he came in and asked if I would like to go to lunch, which we did, he kept every so often looking at me, we were both reading the paper as we had always done, I was feeling very relaxed and content. H commented again that there was something different about me and he really liked it.
Once we got home, he announced that he could never deal with anyone else being with me and that each time he sees me he falls in love all over again.
I didn't say anything, I just listened, nodded and smiled. He told me he really liked the new relaxed me and the fact that was smiling a lot. I will leave the rest to your imagination. He then asked if we could go and see our friends that had just finished their golf tournament to catch up with them and see how they went (very unusual as he isn't interested in golf - maybe it is his way of trying). So we did and had a very relaxed evening. He held me in bed for the first time in a very long time.
Oh also, he had his ski out attached to the car to take, he has now put it back in the garage.
I am assuming he will be moving with me on Friday although I have not asked him directly as I don't want to do anything or say anything that is going to send him running again. He did tell our friends last night that we would see them for dinner on Friday night and then we would join them to watch the footy afterwards.
I am still continuing with the relaxed happy me which I admit is not that hard as I think I have found a part of me that has finally accepted that I can't control H but I can control me and my being.
Am I right in not mentioning anything still about our M, should I just let things roll now and wait for him to mention it. Not sure of my next step (still no DR book), I still want to be able to control the situation and I definitely don't want to frighten him off.
Let it be for now. Your 180s are getting to him, and they have the added benefit of helping you feel good. These are things you should do for yourself for the rest of your life!
There might be a point in the future where an R talk or further steps might be appropriate...but for now, we don't want to scare the little rabbit. Take each day as it comes.
I'm betting sleeping on some musty couch and living the single man life isn't looking so appealing to him now. Remember, he's still in alien territory though...and it's your nonreaction that's eliciting the results. He's like a little boy watching his mum as he slides his fingers toward the hot stove...you know?
More of what's working!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I definitely don't want to frighten him off at all, that is why I didn't react like I did the past few times when he went away and then came back.
I actually didn't find it too hard to be relaxed and content when he was home yesterday, I was in fact feeling quite content, Saturday night for some reason I can't explain, maybe the venting here, the advice and friendship has had a calming effect and I have learn't the important rule of being able to only change myself.
My one question is do I now continue with this townhouse that I picked for D & I or do I now involve H and ask if he is happy with that one or would he like me to look for something a bit bigger.
I know, I know, I should shutup but I am just curious if this is one thing I should talk to him about.
Oh (((Oz))) I am so delighted. Your hard work appears to be paying off but like SD says, H is a frightened little rabbit at the moment so keep things moving as you are - slow and steady so that he won't get caught in the headlights!
NO - I would not be mentioning the townhouse or something larger ... I hope that others will agree but that would seem to be jumping to a conclusion that he has not yet verbalised. Rentals are fairly easy to get in to and equally as easy to come out of ... bide your time, play the waiting game, just as we have been taught. I know that you must be bursting with excitement right now but just don't blow it, OK?
Keep us up to speed with events - hope that your home internet comes back to life soon - you will be lost (and so will we) without it!
(((Keep going just as you are - you are doing mighty fine, lady)))!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
It is very hard trying to keep my excitement under wraps but I know I must at all costs.
I am still not pursuing or anything like that, just letting him make the moves towards me and I will keep being just that bit mysterious and different which he appears to be intrigued by.
I wouldn't say anything to him about the townhouse, as he's not said he's coming with you. And...well, don't be surprised if he retreats a bit. This is a rollercoaster ride, and while I think your H will eventually fully remove his head from his butt, I'd be surprised if he's fully done with spending some time up there.
But you just keep on with the same response while he spins and works to coming to the same conclusion you did: only HE can change himself and his happiness. He has to learn that the externals have little to do with our personal happiness and everything to do with how we change ourselves.
Let him bring up anything he wants to bring up...until he says otherwise, operate As If whatever he told you before is in full effect. And then, smile on the inside.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
You are right SD. I am pretty sure he is moving with us even though he hasn't said it and I will continue with my AS IF approach so I am ready for the retreat(s) if and when they happen.
I too think he will come round and return to earth, as I hope everyone's H's do.
I am planning on taking myself to the movies tomorrow night, should I enquire casually if he would like to join me or just let him know that I am going to the movies end of story. I want to appear as if but don't want to appear as though I don't care at all.
