Well had a good weekend. S11 turned S12 on Friday so we celebrated. This journey has taught me to really appreciate the people in my life.
Wife called late Friday night to talk about inconsequential stuff. Stuff she would have normally texted me about.
She stopped by the house today to drop off a present for S12. I went out to talk to her. It's the first time we've been face to face in 3 months. We talked about how we're going to do kid exchanges with son starting football practice tomorrow(I help coach his team). She said she's going to come to his practices. That is what she did the previous years. Then she asked me if I was going to the high school game Thursday night. Most of the time I was out talking to her she would just look at the ground.
D- Been off the forum lately. How are things going?
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
I've been working 50-60 hours a week and coaching football. Had a bit of down time today so I thought I would update on my topsy turvy world.
Aug 27 - Found out that wife was pregnant with "friend"'s baby. It hit me hard, but it didn't change the fact that I love her, so I continue to stand.
Sept 3 - Found out that wife had a miscarriage. Was I happy? No. It wasn't the baby's fault. I was truly saddened that she had to experience that kind of loss.
Apparently she has started thinking about things. The frequency of phone calls and face to face contact has increased.
We have started talking and joking like friends again. We were at the high school football game Friday night and she invited me to go to a musical performance on 10/3 with her and the kids. We went back to her place on Saturday after our (mine and S12's) football game (we lost) and she invited me to satay and watch a movie with her and the kids.
Where are things headed? Who knows. I will just play it cool and let it ride.
Hi D- Thanks for the update! Wow! You've had lots of things thrown at you- but you doing GREAT! I envy how detached(in a good way) you are so that things don't trigger un-thought-out repsonses. Things sound hopeful with your wife. I agree, play it cool, enjoy the good/calm and see where it goes..No expectations.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
Positives from this week: Things continue to be friendly between the 2 of us. We text quite frequently to the point that sometimes I feel like a friggin teenager. We joke back and forth a lot. She shared some info as to her falling out with "friend". Said he wouldn't grow up or get a job etc. Gave me a good chance to practice my listening skills.
Negatives: Now that she's "single" again, the bar and party activity is on the upswing. Bragging about her very rich friends and how she never has to buy her drinks because all the guys she hangs with buy them for her.
Each week seems to be a slight move closer. We'll see how this week goes.
Hi D- Don't let your wife's bragging get to you...its like in adolescence- you don't have your own strong personality yet so the friends you surround yourself with are a 'trial' of who you either want to be like or what you want others to think you are like...the friends often change...
Also she may be trying to make you jealous..sounds like your holding strong. Take the good, ignore the bad. As our marriage counselor says, "overpractice the good listening skills until they are automatic..." sounds like you doing just that!
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
We had a football game today (lost again). My Mom came to the game today and had some observations. When my wife got there she kept her distance from my mom and then quickly warmed up and spent some time with her. After the game my wife was giving my SIL, FIL, and then S12 a kiss and a hug. She looked at me and gave me a smirk and said "What?" like she wanted me to say I wanted one too. My mom watched all this and said my wife was making the move like she wanted to give me one but then stopped herself.
My wife walked with me to the car and playfully gave me a hard time about my coaching abilities. I sarcastically told her thanks and she said "I will always be the one to give it to you straight"
She went on to explain to me about who's party she's going to tonight. It's like she wants me involved in the things she's doing in her life.
Positives: Wife and I continue to be friendly. She slowly seems to be moving closer.
My wife has started to show some interest in me. She's asking me questions about work etc. First time in 8 months.
My wife has started to confide in me and asking my advice.
Negatives: Only negative right now is her partying. It is to the point where she is trying to get her sisters to take the kids on her weekends so she can go partying.
Even though I have this listed as a negative, in some ways it is positive as it shows she has progressed. She is trying to capture a period of time that she feels she missed out on. She sounds like a 21 year old when she brags about her bar and party exploits.
In fact she made the comment to SIL last weekend that she was never allowed to go to the bar or parties for the past 13 years. Yeah that's the way it was.
All in all things are going well. I just have to make sure I keep my patience and don't push. Someone who's opinion on MLC I really respect (RCR), feels that my wife wants to come home but isn't ready to face that reality yet. Neither am I.
